Interview

A while ago

I was contacted by a lady called Angela 

Who writes a blog called Fucking awesome bulimics I know

Angela found my blog through the Healthline compilation

And contacted me to ask me if she could interview me for her site

We were emailing back and forth 

She is in New Zealand 

And I am in Ireland

So we arranged to Skype today

Her evening 

And my morning at 8 30am

I literally woke up at 8 26am

So I jumped out of bed 

And turned on my laptop 

My face wasn't washed 

My hair wasn't brushed 

But I had no time to do either 

So I just rubbed my tired eyes

And hoped I didn't look too sleepy 

It was great speaking to Angela 

She is smart 

So funny 

Honest 

And so real 

We laughed a lot 

Which was great 

As I think it is so important to retain a sense of humour 

No matter how bad things get 

We talked about my childhood

Her childhood

When out EDs started and how

Family background 

Treatment 

The media 

Social media and the effect it has on us as eating disordered women

We talked about therapy 

Mary 

Angela's therapist

I couldn't believe it when I said goodbye and looked at the clock and saw it was 10 30am

We had been speaking for two whole hours!

It didn't feel like that at all though

I thoroughly enjoyed chatting to Angela 

We had a lot in common

And so much to talk about 

Angela recorded the conversation 

And will type it out 

And post it on her blog

So I will let you know when it is  published 

In other news 

There was great excitement here yesterday 

As we got the news that my brother has signed a two book deal with the publishing house Picador!

The same people who publish Cormac Mc Carthy, Toni Morrison, Colm Toibin 

We are beyond happy for him

He has worked so hard 

And he deserves every bit of success he achieves 

These are exciting times for him

He already has one book ready to go called Ithaca

And now has to write another one 

It's really inspiring to see how far my brother has come 

He worked for years as an accountant 

And gave a reliable and comfortable  life up to follow his dream of being a writer

It just goes to show 

Hard work 

And bring a nice person

Does pay off 

There has been a lot of talk about writing books here on blogger recently 

I know Piggy is writing one

And also Miranda

I guess it makes sense that a lot of us bloggers want to write books 

We write every day on our blogs

It's how we make sense of the world

I know I would love to turn this blog in to a book 

My family are always encouraging me  to try and get published 

I have done nothing about this thus far

If I were to write a book

It would be my story 

My life 

My struggles 

And my recovery 

I don't know how to write anything else

And I have never written fiction before 

So I don't know if I could write fiction or not 

Starting to write my blog was never about the writing as such 

For me 

It was more about the content

The message 

Of hope and faith and courage 

It has been about connecting with others 

Breaking down the stigma of mental illness 

Knowing that I wasn't alone 

And that others felt the same as me

There is a universal feeling of shame  that goes along with mental illness

And addiction 

With my writing 

I wanted to break down this barriers 

I wanted to encourage others to speak and to write about their struggles 

As well as their recovery 

One of the first things that Angela said to me this morning 

Was that she is not shockable 

I was so glad to hear this 

As people who have not experience anorexia or bulimia would never understand throwing up in to a plastic bag and hiding it in a wardrobe 

Or throwing food in to a bin

Only to retrieve hours later 

But yes

I would love to turn my blog in to a book

There have been many well written memoirs of eating disorders 

Marya Hornbacher blazed the trail of such books 

My story is like millions of others 

But it is unique to me 

In that my experiences and the way I reacted is mine 

I really do feel like my story could others 

If there is one subject I know intimately 

It is eating disorders 

I can talk about 

Write about it 

As Angela said this morning 

We are professionals in our field 

One of the reasons I have not yet ventured in to writing a book

Is that I am not very technically minded 

I would almost rather hand write it than type it

That's how bad I am 

But for now 

I will keep writing my blog 

Keep reaching out to others 

Keep sharing my experience, strength and hope as they say in the meetings 

Amazing things have happened as a result of my blog 

Like speaking to Angela this morning 

We are two women

At opposite ends of the earth 

With totally different lives 

Yet we were able to sit down and chat for two hours about our lives 

Our struggles 

Our triumphs 

Our highs 

Our lows 

Our experience of mental illness 

I would never have done this only for my blog

I hope this interview will help others 

As just speaking to Angela this morning was food for my soul

Today is a good day 

I feel hopeful 

Positive 

Excited about the future 

Angela asked me where I would like to be at age 38 

My answer was simple

I hope to still be in recovery 

To be independent 

Happy and healthy 

Now I reAlly believe that I might have a shot at these things 

I mean why not?

Why not me?

I am working hard to rebuild my life 

Aide that was shattered by addiction and disordered eating 

As well as depression and anxiety 

Today I try to be the best person I can be

I try to do the right thing 

And make the right choices

It's not easy

But then nothing worth having ever is

I feel lucky and blessed 

To have come through what I've been through 

And still be standing 

Still fighting 

And still retaining a sense of humour 

It felt so good to speak to Angela today 

Two strong women sharing their stories 

Harrowing stories 

Of pain and suffering and anguish 

But also of success and courage and fIth

As women 

We owe it to each other 

To be each other's cheerleaders 

All too often 

We are jealous of each other 

And mean to each other 

It's down to us treat each other with dignity and respect 

We need to hold each other up 

And not pull each other down 

We are fucking awesome as Angela would say 

Today 

I am going to make it a good day

It started off so well talking on Skype

And it has inspired me to do my best today 

To feed and nourish myself 

To take my meds correctly 

To spend time doing the things I love to do

To celebrate my brothers good news

And to be the best Ruby I can possibly be

Because I am worth it 

And you are too 

Have a lovely Saturday everyone 

Remember to be kind to yourself today 

Gentle with yourself 

Because you are precious 

You are unique 

Special

One of a kind 

You deserve to be happy 

And healthy 

We all do 

Take care today 

And see you in the next post....