There are the same core group of writers
But it seems every day another blogger drops off the face of the blogosphere
Please let me know if you are there
If you are reading
If not commenting
If you are lurking
If you are dropping in every day
Or from time to time
If you are struggling
Struggling to hold it together
Struggling with your ED
Addiction
Depression
Anxiety
BPD
Or some other mental illness
If you have all but given up hope
If you can't see a way out
If you are falling with out a safety net
If you have surrendered to your demons
If you can't face another day
In this head
This body
This life
If you are afraid
Terrified of life without your crutch
If your thoughts torment you
So negative
And so destructive
If you can't ask for help
You want to
But you can't
If you feel like giving up
Because you don't have the energy to keep fighting
If you feel beaten down by life
By your illness
If you are thinking of disappearing
Because you believe you are nothing but a burden
If you are holding on by your fingertips
Slipping everyday
If you are frustrated because people presume thdt you look well so you much be well
If you have a passive death wish
But also if you are in recovery
If you are fighting back
If you refuse to give in to your demons
If you are fighting for a better life
For you and your family
If you have been knocked down
But you keep getting back up
Dusting yourself off
And start again
If you are in treatment
Inpatient
Struggling to meet your goals
And regain weight
Or if you are outpatient
And trying to recover with the support of home and your family and friends
If you believe that there is life after addiction and ED
If you are working to regain weight
Maintain weight
Or lose weight
If you have slipped or relapsed
And are trying to get back on track
If you believe you deserve better
If you want better for yourself
If you want to like
And even love yourself
If you want to live
Let me know
Who you are?
What is your story?
Where are you in your life?
Why do you read?
What do you want out of life?
And recovery?
Let me know you are out there....
You know, I think about this ALL the time. We are like a couple of the very few left... I mean - I remember when I started my blog, there were a ton of other blogs that I could relate to. And now there are maybe 10 left of the originals? I'm hoping though that the current radio silence is just time of the year and stuff, and that we haven't lost more of them.
ReplyDeleteSide note: You are a beautiful and amazing person, and you continue to inspire me daily! Xo
I hope so Piggy
DeleteI hope it is a lull and not something permanent
Or if they left
I hope they recovered
And are doing ok
Aw thanks Piggy
I think you are amazing
A total badass! X
I think there are many like me who read but don't often comment. I feel like I'm checking in on a friend, especially since I can see a lot of me in you, personality wise.X
ReplyDeleteI think you are probably right
DeleteBut thank you for commenting today
And for letting me know you are there
And you are reading x
I read your blog every once in awhile but never comment mainly because I don't know what to say. I'm in my mid-twenties and have had ED for the past 14 years or so. I've been in recovery for the last two years. Life is not easy but it's getting easier. I'm quite optimistic about the future. I hope I get accepted into university next year, that is my biggest wish.
ReplyDeleteI think you are an inspiration. I like to read your thoughts and can relate to your situation in many ways.
Let's not give up on hope. There are good things waiting to come.God bless!
Hey there,
DeleteThank you for commenting today
And for sharing some of your story
I hope you fullfill your dream of going to university
And yes
There are good things to come
Take care x
I blame November. This month is a killer.
ReplyDeleteMaybe your right CP
DeleteAlthough I love November
The dark
The cold
Sheesh
Maybe I am a massochist.... X
Te he, you two, I resemble that…
DeleteI'm BORN in November-!!
:D
<3 <3 Jils
Hi my dear...still here, still reading
ReplyDeleteJust a little overwhelmed and tired
Love you xx
Love you too Mandy
DeleteGlad you are still here x
You know, I thought about writing the past week buy I think I felt somewhat ashamed. For the first time in about a year and a half I've been feeling a touch of my ED lurking. It's been hell lately. I commute to school twice a week and it's a two hour drive.. Insanity, I know, but it's cheaper to live in my city and more job opportunities but the city I travel to has a better counseling program so I have to make sacrifices. I'm a full time graduate student and a part time mentor at a treatment center so my week is full, even the weekends. I've been trying to do a cut in preparation for the traveling I'll be doing this year and it's amazing how easy it is to forgo some meals and how unpleasant yet pleasant being hungry is. I found myself looking at my normal skinny check spots and feeling some control and that scared me because I know what's at the heart of this. It's funny, people act like when you're studying to be a counselor or already are that you have to have it all together and that you don't have things that bother you. That's not true. And I don't know how to talk to people about this. I talked to my bf a little but but I felt silly. I thought maybe if I wrote about it in my blog I could get some support from the people who get it but i feel kind of weak in that. I'm usually the pep rally, the hard advice giver, the one trying to be logical but I don't feel like myself right now. So I'm here, just trying to figure out how to reach out for a listening ear.
ReplyDeleteDear Eve,
DeleteI hope you see this reply
I really hope you do
I don't want to write on your blog as I'm not sure if you want others on your blog to know this
First of all
Thank you for your honesty and for being so real
I know how hard it is to admit that you are struggling
And especially given what you are studying
But Hun
You have a lot on your plate right now what with a school, work and recovery
Not to mention trying to balance relationships and generally trying to stay sane in this crazy world
But you know you have caught this early
You acknowledge that things are tough
And that's ok
Our EDs are our coping mechanism
It's not surprising that we turn to it when things are rough
Listen
Don't be too hard on yourself
You are allowed to struggle
And I urge you to write about this on your blog
I just know you will get nothing but love and support and you will feel so much better
If you don't want to write there
Then please email me anytime
I'd love to hear from you and I'll always reply
Hang in the Hun
We all love you
Want the best for you
And please remember
Even the most together people struggle sometimes
Its life
And it doesn't mean you aren't a good mentor or counsellor
Be kind to you Eve
You have given me some amazing advice over the years
and I greatly appetite that
All my love x
Gosh that is awful Shelby
ReplyDeleteThere but for the grace of God go I
Ireland is a magical place to visit
If you ever do
Let me know
And we will meet up for sure
Hope you are doing ok
This time of year can be tough
But I guess anytime of year can be tough
Stay well Hun x
Rubly,
ReplyDeleteI shall be a lifetime reader of yours, whether thru Blog or your [many??] books to come; I consider you not only an inspiration, but a Friend.
I'm embarrassed @ times b/c you work so hard to get well & yet after 6 yrs, I still have, for all intents, a foot in both 'camps'--whilst I no longer actively purge, I haven't given myself fully over into Recovery: My behaviours are not healthy, & mindset is often a JOKE!! :/
Thing is, I actually KNO the right way to be, but am not Willing…nor even WILLING to be Willing @ this point & after so long
A few wks ago, you wrote on how badly you felt about nearly everything to do w/yourself physically.
The timing was off: I was having an especially rough go then & couldn't cope c the post. I started to write smthg v raw & revealing, but as I was in too much acute pain, it [of itself] turnt satirical, me spouting off rubbish about "loving me ev'ry minute of everyday"…
( REALLY??)
What I WANTED to say was, 'i HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT MYSELF C EVERY FIBRE OF MY BEING!!!' but I couldn't go there that day; it was too much.
So basically I need to pick a 'team,' & get on c my life alrdy! 'Get it together,' really.….
<3 Jils
Ruby, your heart is so beautiful and giving!! I read because the way you write, and the things you write about, are interesting to me. You make me think. :)
ReplyDeleteI haven't had much mental energy to even lurk around on blogger, much less write my own updates. I'm in a difficult spot, and it's terrifying. I'm scaring my friends and family and I hate that. I don't really have slip-ups, I have colossal train wrecks.