Sunday, 13 December 2015


As I type this
I am currently in a ward in my local hospital
After spending about 6 hours in A&E yesterday
I was finally moved to a bed at about 6 30pm
Why am I here?
Let me explain 
I woke up yesterday morning at about 8am
I noticed that I had a kind of gnawing pain in my upper abdomen 
I didn't pass too much heed on it though
As its usual for me to have aches and pains throughout the day
I carried on with my normal routine
I let the dogs out
Made a cuppa 
And settled down to write my blog
The pain persisted 
But I did my best to ignore it 
Even though I wasn't feeling too good
I still brought the dogs out for a walk
This was my first mistake 
And my second was not bringing my phone with me 
I walked for our usual 45 minutes 
And on my way back
I began to feel really unwell
The pain worsened
I was dizzy
My whole body felt heavy
And I really thought I was going to pass out 
I stopped walking
I had to 
And sat down at the side of the road  trying to get my strength back 
I wasn't too far from home 
But I might as well have been one hundred miles away I felt so bad
I swear I thought I'd never get home
I walked a few steps 
Then stopped
And that was my pattern the whole way back
After what seemed like an eternity 
I got home 
I dragged myself in to the kitchen 
And sat on the nearest chair
Oh the relief to be home 
I explained to my sister what had happened
Then my mother
The first thing she asked me was if I thought it was another attack of pancreatitis 
I wasn't sure 
As the pain wasn't in the same place as last time
You might remember back in 2013
I had rather a nasty bout of pancreatitis 
And was in hospital for a week
But I just wasn't sure this time 

It being  a Sunday 
The only doctor we could find was over an hour away 
I spoke to the doctor myself
And she gave me the option of going to see her 
Or going straight to hospital 
I figured it would make more sense to go to our local hospital 
But even then 
I still wasn't convinced that it warranted me taking such action
My mother and sister weren't convinced though 
I was as white as a ghost 
And I couldn't sit up straight
I took my own blood pressure
It was just a little on the low side 
The last time my BP was in my boots

So around lunch time
My mum and I set off for the hospital 
The weather was freezing 
And all the way in i felt we were overreacting 
I guess I was down playing how much pain I was in though
We arrived in A&E about half an hour later 
I was glad to see there were only a couple of people in the waiting room
I registered 
And then sat down to wait 
A short while later 
The nurse called me in to assess me
He was lovely 
I explained my situation 
The previous bout of pancreatitis
And my history of ED and addiction
He to me that his sister works in a hospital in London
And he knows it's not an easy thing to get over
Which I thought was kind of him to say
He took my temperature and BP
And was sent out to the waiting room again 

Not long after 
I was called in to A&E
A pretty nurse who was quite heavily pregnant sat with me in a cubicle
And asked me some more questions
I explained about my bulimia
How I had been doing well up until a few weeks ago
When I began to lose weight
And the purging increased
She suspected that I had torn my oesophagus or my stomach lining
She also said I was dehydrated 
She put a canula in
And gave me some pain relief 
It didn't touch the pain though 
Then I was brought over to radiography for an x-Ray
Which turned out to be clear 
They had taken some bloods earlier
And the nurse came back with the results 
It turned out that they suspected it was in fact my pancreas
As the amalyse in my blood was unusually high 

All the while 
The pain persisted 
And I just couldn't get comfortable 
So they brought out the big guns
And gave me some IV morphine
It spread like warm water all through my body
And brought some much welcome pain relief 
At this point my other sister came in 
She was shocked when she saw me 
I was in the kind of pain that you can't get comfortable no matter what way you sit or lie
A while later
I asked for some more pain relief 
Cue more morphine

At one point 
I heard the nurses talking about me
That I had a bed in one of the wards 
And shortly after that 
I was moved up to a ward 
I was glad to get here 
As I felt I could relax a little 
And settle down for the night
I'm in a ward with mainly elderly ladies
The woman in the bed beside me has been non stop talking since I arrived 
She is obviously confused
And keeps trying to go home 
At the moment she is singing an unidentifiable song on repeat 
I'm a bit worried about my meds though
Because sometimes there can be an issue with the methadone
But I guess I'll worry about that tomorrow
Since coming to the ward
I've had two injections for the pain
But the pain persists 
And I generally feel exhausted and weary
I also saw the registrar last evening 
He said this bout could be because of my meds
Exacerbated by my ED
But they're not entirely sure yet 
So they are keeping me under observation

My mum left soon after I got settled on the ward
My sister had been looking after the dogs
They knew something was up yesterday
I guess they could sense the stress

It's now 6 30am
And I've just been woken up to have a new bag of fluids fitted
I'm fasting as of yesterday
And I am absolutely famished 
It's going to be torture watching everyone eating their breakfast 
But hopefully it won't be long until I can eat and drink
Last night was tough 
I was in a lot of pain
And even though I was wrecked
I couldn't sleep
It's not very comfortable twisting and turning with pain like that
So I asked for a sleeping pill 
Which the nurse got straight away
And about an hour later 
I fell asleep

I'm not sure what today brings 
Tests I'm guessing 
And a scan 
I'm sure my family will be up too
I just wanted to let you know where I'm at 
As I've had a couple of emails from people wondering am I ok
I am
Or at least I will be 


  1. Please Ruby take this as a serious warning about your health. Truly dear, you can't go on like this. Very worried X shelby

    1. I know Shelby
      It's been a bit of a shock
      My body is breaking down
      I need to do something....... X

  2. Sweet Lord, Ruby, do take care of yourself! I just want to give you a big hug!

  3. Omg Ruby!im so sorry to hear this. Do take care. Hope you recover soon dear. Stay strong.
    lots of love

    1. Thanks Pia
      I feel bit better today x

    2. Thanks Pia
      I feel bit better today x

  4. Omg Ruby!im so sorry to hear this. Do take care. Hope you recover soon dear. Stay strong.
    lots of love

  5. just commenting again incase you don't get email. lots of love and get well soon xx jo

    1. Thanks Jo
      Hopefully be home soon

      Take care of you x

  6. ruby ruby ruby, all the very best to you, i just saw this and I am really worried, i hope you will get better soon with all my heart! i just read your sweet messages, please get well soon! Really moved right now, so excuse this mess, big big hug and lots of love Josefine!!!

    1. Thanks Josefine
      I appreciate
      Hopefully I won't. Be out of action for too long x

  7. Omgosh Ruby this is serious. You're in my thoughts and prayers, very much so. I hope the pain eases and that you're on the mend and back home soon, real soon. Get in touch if there is anything I can do to help. I'm here for you. Take much much care xxx

    1. Thank you Annie
      The pain is the hardest part
      But I am getting pain relief regularly

      You are too sweet
      I really appreciate it
      Given that I know you are struggling some too at the moment

      Take care dear friend x

  8. Hope you feel better soon, take care xx

  9. Oh Rubes, I've been working all week, so I'm just checking in now, and I didn't expect to see much blogging because of your last entry that I read in Sunday, so this is a shock.. I do hope you feel better soon xoxo
    What are the long term implications of Pancras issues? I do remember your bout with it a couple of years ago.. I'm just about to read your next few entries x


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