Merry Christmas!

I just wanted to take this opportunity to wish all my readers a very happy Christmas and a prosperous new year!

And to thank you for your continued support through out 2015

It's been an eventful year to say the least

Many highs and lows 

And ups and downs

But that's life I guess

It's not a straight run

I know this time can be tough for us

If we are struggling with our EDs

Or other mental illness

Addiction

Bereavement 

Loneliness

Sickness 

I realise that I am more fortunate than most

I have a strong family around me

Who are my back bone 

My rock

My port in a storm 

And thankfully we are all in good health

Most of the time 

It wasn't always like this though 

Up until about 5 years ago 

Christmas in my house was utter bedlam

It was an excuse to get rotten drunk

Or out of it on some other substance

Inevitably there would be a family fight

And the whole thing would fall apart 

I can remember one Christmas 

When we all had to decamp to my sisters  apartment 

Because my father was on such a bender 

Thankfully 

Those days are in the distant past

We are having a quiet family Christmas this year 

With just my neighbour coming for dinner

Which I am grateful for 

As I don't think I could handle a big get together 

I am just glad to be clean and sober

And well enough to enjoy the holidays

As for my ED 

Well I probably don't need to tell you

It's difficult 

I don't know where I'm at

Somewhere in between my illness and recovery 

I have made some positive changes 

I am now eating breakfast, lunch and dinner at the table with my family 

Albeit small meals

But it's better than stuffing my face in front of the TV and then purging 

I am trying hard to find some balance in my life 

Allowing myself a bit of everything 

In moderation

I find this really challenging 

As I am an all or nothing type of person

All the drugs 

Or none of the drugs

All the food 

Or none of it

Also 

Eating and not purging is also a big hurdle for me

Sometimes I succeed in not purging

Sometimes I don't 

But I am trying 

God knows I am trying 

Anyway 

I really hope that you enjoy your Christmas 

Where ever you may be 

And how ever you celebrate

I am feeling very grateful 

For my family 

My dogs 

You my blogger family 

I'm hoping that 2016 will bring new opportunities 

That I will get back on track with my recovery 

And things improve for me a little 

Take care over the holidays

Keep loved ones close 

And most of all enjoy yourself! X