Friday 26 February 2016

Storm in a C cup and other stories.....

Remember back when I got my chest measured properly in a proper bra shop?
My first time ever to be correctly measured
And Remember I was told I was a 34 DD?
And I could barely believe it
Remember how I bought two very grown up proper bras?
And I was quite proud of my assets
Well
Said bras no longer fit me 
Which makes me sad
Why is it 
That when ever I lose weight
I lose if from the areas that need it most 
My boobs
My bum 
And always lose it from places that I don't want to
Like my face 
Id say I am now a 32 C 
Going by how the bras fit 
I've also been going through my wardrobe
And trying on clothes to see what fits 
And what doesn't
I have so many lovely items 
That are now way too big for me
And that is a damn shame 
As well as an incentive to gain a little 
My weight has stayed static for the last month 
I've neither lost nor gained 
And my BMI hovers around the same number 
But the truth is 
I can afford to gain a few kilos 
And still be pretty slim 
Weight loss just isn't important at the moment 

I rang my local piercing studio today
To inquire about getting my labret done 
The piercer is only there on a Friday 
So I'm going to go for it 
I think it's time 
Time for another piercing 
I love my nose ring 
I think it adds something interesting to my face 
My Mum hates it
And is pleading with me not to get another one 
But it's falling on deaf ears 
I just really want to get it done 
I also inquired about getting wings tattooed on my shoulder blades
The girl I spoke to estimated it would cost around €300
So I won't be getting that done any time soon
But 
It's something to think about 
And to look forward to

For me 
Recovery is finding healthy ways to meet the needs that drugs met
Relaxation
Confidence 
Self esteem 
Fun 
Escapism 
All the things that drugs provide 
For a while at least
So I guess my meetings 
Horse riding 
Writing 
And my dogs 
All fulfil these needs 
And even better than drugs and alcohol and my ED did
And of course 
The fun thing is
That I can find more and more activities to make me feel content and happy
I can try new things 
Learn new things 
Meet new people 
The possibilities are endless!
Recovery means freedom
Free from the chains that my ED and addiction held me in
It means feeling free to eat 
To enjoy it
And to keep it down 
Recovery means eating until I am full
Not over or under eating
It means allowing myself to eat a rich and varied diet 
And not feel guilty 
Recovery means allowing my body to find its own natural set point 
And not constantly trying to lose weight and be smaller 
Recovery means peace of mind 
Contentment 
Serenity
It means I am enough 
Just the way I am
Not looking for others approval 
It means knowing that I am a good person
And I am doing the best that I can
Recovery means really living life 
Laughing until you cry 
Late nights watching movies with my mum and sister 
It means eating food At the table 
And having a conversation 
Recovery means feeling the fear and doing it anyway 
And knowing that I will feel great afterwards 
It means being happy in my own company 
But being sociable when I want to 
It means helping others through my story and my writing 
It means passing on recovery to others 
And sharing what helps 
And what works 
Recovery means asking for help when we need it
Talking it out over a cuppa and a slice of cake
It means feeling good enough
And not lesser or better than anyone else 
It means finding things that you love 
Work 
Hobbies 
Pets 
Whatever that may be 
Recovery means choosing to live

With all that said 
I was wondering about you
What does recovery mean to you?
Are you in recovery?
Is it everything you thought it would be?
What are the best and worst parts about recovery
Answers on a postcard please.....

8 comments:

  1. Oh man, I've been every size from A to G. I literally have a huge bag of bras hiding at the top of my wardrobe! From my first bra up until I developed AN, I was always measured and fitted whenever I got a new bra. It was just normal, but I can't imagine going for a fitting now (mum went and asked if they had any bras in my size. The lady nearly started crying when mum said I was 22). New bras were always the best mood booster, especially if I'd gone up a size (crazy to think of it being celebrated!). Now I just get department store bras on the cheap.

    Where are you getting the labret done? Upper, lower, centered, to the side? I'm craving new piercings like mad, it's been a few years, but am not sure what I want yet.

    xxxx

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  2. I like it in the centre I think Bella
    I've been looking at photos on line
    And I think that would suit me best

    Yes my boobs are shrinking
    And I hate it
    Come back double Ds
    All is forgiven! X

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  3. I'm so with you on the piercing thing (and also on my nose ring). I feel like it makes me look a little interesting and like I am stronger than my blonde hair might suggest. Xo

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  4. I love my piercings and tattoos. I guess I didn't think about doing it to differentiate myself from others because that means I need that to stand out when I already have a big personality. It's just expression and it's like customizing yourself sort of. :) I'm excited to see your labret!

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    Replies
    1. It's happening Friday Eve
      And of course I will provide pics x

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  5. I know I've been MIA dear. This post was very enlightening. I'm sorry that you're struggling back and forth with maintaining, gaining, losing. This is the rollercoaster of recovery I guess.
    And on the boobs topic, mine are so depressingly gross. Before I got really sick, I was a high C cup. Now I have nothing and its disgusting. It actually keeps me from taking my bra off in front of T.
    I'm not sure what recovery sans for me except a lot of discouragement and crazy emotions. Most days I hate it, but I keep trying.
    I miss you Ruby. Email me sometime and we can catch up. Sending lots of love and light.
    XOXO Katie

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  6. I know I've been MIA dear. This post was very enlightening. I'm sorry that you're struggling back and forth with maintaining, gaining, losing. This is the rollercoaster of recovery I guess.
    And on the boobs topic, mine are so depressingly gross. Before I got really sick, I was a high C cup. Now I have nothing and its disgusting. It actually keeps me from taking my bra off in front of T.
    I'm not sure what recovery sans for me except a lot of discouragement and crazy emotions. Most days I hate it, but I keep trying.
    I miss you Ruby. Email me sometime and we can catch up. Sending lots of love and light.
    XOXO Katie

    ReplyDelete

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