Friday, 11 March 2016

Friday 11 March

Yesterday was a very busy day
I saw Mary in the morning 
Went to a lunch time meeting
And in the evening 
My mother and I went to a free dance class that was on in the local theatre
I was wrecked tired yesterday 
But I really wanted to go to the dancing 
As its something that I really enjoy
There were two dance classes on back to back 
First was Salsa
And then there was Ceili dancing 
Which is traditional Irish dancing
The class started at  8pm
We arrived on time 
Filled in a form
And took a seat in the room
There was salsa music playing 
And there was quite a few people there
Just then 
The teacher came over to speak to us 
She spoke in Irish 
I can speak a little Irish 
But my Mum is fluent 
The teacher explained that they were speaking Irish as it was Irish speaking week
So the class was to be in Irish!

More and more people filed in
I'd say there was about 30 of us 
And soon the class began 
The teacher was great
She explained things well
And had a lovely way about her
We did a wArm up 
Which was great fun
Then on to the dancing proper
We learned  the basic steps 
Then in partners 
One leading 
One following 
We practised our best Salsa 
We changed partners every few minutes 
So we got to dance with a lot of different people 
I really enjoyed it
And my Mum was laughing her head off
So I think it's fair to say that she enjoyed it too
In no time at all
The class was over 
The teacher left on the music so we could continue to practise 
She was going around the room dancing with different people 
Then she came to me
'You're a natural' she said
'So light on your feet'
I told her that I used to dance a lot
I asked her if she was a school teacher
As I got that vibe off her
But she told me that she was a pharmacist 
I thought about how I had been a pharmacist of a kind in another life
I thought it was just a bit ironic 
She asked me what I do
I told her that I was starting work in May 
And that I also write
'Are you a journalist?'she asked 
I said I wasn't 
And explained that I blog and such 
She asked what I write about 
I was kind of caught on the hop
And before I knew it
I was telling her that I am recovering from an eating disorder
And my blog was about the journey to recovery 
I'm still not entirely sure why I decided to share that information 
I kind of felt like I said too much
Given that it was supposed to be an evening of fun
I tend not to hide my conditions
And I think it's good to be open about things 
Especially mental health issues
She seemed really interested in this
And asked me for my blog address
Which I gave her
Will she read it or not?
I don't know 
But she was really kind 
That's why I thought she was a teacher
Because she was gentle
And made everyone feel really comfortable 

The Salsa finished up
And it was Ceili time
To say it was organised chaos is probably accurate
There were so many of us
And the Ceili is a fast dance 
So there was much laughing and joking 
And it was all great fun
Half way through 
It was getting late 
So my mum and I decided to call it a night
I hope they will do more classes
As we thoroughly enjoyed it
It was great to get out for an evening 
And meet new people 
Not sit catatonic in front of the TV all night
Of course you know they I love dancing 
I also found out that there is Zumba on every Tuesday night
So I might just venture out to that too
Mum preferred the Irish dancing
But I definitely preferred the Salsa
If given another chance at life 
I would never have given up dancing when I did
I don't believe in having regrets 
But dancing is something that I am  sorry I didn't pursue

We arrived home about 10 30pm
These days that is a late night for me
I'm usually in my pyjamas by 7pm
I was starting to ruminate about what I told the teacher 
And the verbal diarrhoea that seems to pour out of me at random times
I guess I talk and write about my eating disorder so much 
That I forget to maybe hold back a little in some situations
But the teacher last night gave me a positive response 
And seemed genuinely interested in my blog
But it does beg the question
And I am throwing the floor over to you

Do you speak openly about your eating disorder or mental illness?
If not why not?
If yes, why yes?
What sort of a response do you get when you talk about it?
Have you ever had a negative reaction in response?
Inquiring minds want to know....


  1. How weird...I just blogged about this! I shared my story with a group of people last night and I got a very positive response. I think I've only gotten a negative reaction once, with a friend/coworker. I'm not sure the issue was really about my ED though, it was not shaping up to be a healthy friendship anyway.

    I think it's awesome that you share your story so candidly, both online and face to face with people. You have a lot of hope to give by sharing with us...and hopefully it helps you also. :)

  2. Hey Rubes, I made a new post so you should go and see my new tattoo I had to brag about. :)
    Secondly, I don't speak very openly about things I've overcome because even though it's what makes us human and all that, there's a sort of paradox that happens for me. Everyone has problems or has overcome something for the most part but when it comes to people that are training to be counselors or are counselors, there is a stigma that of course we're crazy or of course we have issues and are trying to help people with theirs. Of course, there are supportive people that view it as part of being human and so it's sort of case by case basis. I don't often go into many details and I find myself speaking very dismissively of the things that have happened to me, which isn't quite healthy either. It's been a process and I worry that people will view me negatively despite the fact that I work, I pay my bills, I've never been a criminal, will have my masters in December, and am pretty damn well adjusted for everything that's happened. Sometimes there's a feeling it's okay, like with her and I think we can't be afraid because if someone judges you, they should probably go home at night and think about the things they hide. Anyway, I love you lots and wish I could have gone with! We did salsa classes at a bar in my undergrad. Not always very skilled hut it was great fun.

  3. Sounds like a fantastic evening of fun you had, and thoroughly deserved! Hope you can pursue it xxx

  4. No i never do and never did talk about it because i want to be well so i "do as the Romans do" and act like everyone else because i want to be treated like everyone else.

    However, there is NOTHING at all wrong with your approach of honesty, in fact i LOVE it about you.and in some ways it's very healthy and shows integrity but i have a STRICT fake it til you make it regime in all things.

    glad you went out too. you should do more of it! you sound like you're in a great place mentally today.

    xoxo shelby

  5. That's sounds like so much fun!! And I'm jealous you can even understand some Irish, I can read a little but that's it. I always yell at mum for not speaking Irish to us when we were small.

    For me, the honestly about the ED came with a certain amount of progress in recovery. I'm proud of how far I've come in my recovery, so I no longer have any qualms telling people about it. I even spoke in front of my church's entire youth group about the battles with the ED and suicidal depression. Even though it was a bit nerve-wracking at first, it felt so good afterwards to have all these people really listening, and not judging me at all. I was still one their favourite youth group leaders, and after that a lot of the older kids seemed so much more open with me, like they didn't feel nervous coming to me with their issues.

    So for you I think it could be just as good a thing. You've mentioned speaking in front of big groups before. I bet you could do a lot of good that way, sharing your experiences.


Thank you for leaving some love x