Monday, 20 June 2016


As I wrote in my last post 
I did a really silly thing yesterday 
And accidentally took two days methadone 
Instead of one 
It was a genuine mistake 
I had just come in from work 
Was very tired 
And just didn't think 
I then panicked 
As I realised that I was now one day short 
I am not working until 5pm today
And I had no appointment with my doctor 
And knew I wouldn't get one 
So I decided to head to the surgery first thing this morning 
And bypassed the receptionist 
And went and sat outside my doctors room 
I know that's a bit cheeky 
But it was a special circumstance 
He came in with his first patient 
And have me a nod when he saw me 
When the patient came out 
He called me in 
I apologised for ambushing him first thing on a Monday morning 
And explained it was a bit of an emergency 
I told him what I had done 
And thankfully he understood 
And write me out a new script straight away 
This has never happened me before 
And I was so glad that he saw me 
And believed me 
As I'm sure it could have looked like I was just looking for me meds 
I was very grateful though 
They he saw me 
And gave me the script with no questions 
I thanked him for seeing me 
And went in my way 
guess I am very lucky 
That I have a great relationship with my doctor 
And he will see me at a moments notice 
I know that it is not typical that a doctor will do that 
I have been seeing him every week for over ten years 
And I don't cause any trouble 
I can be awkward when it comes to reducing meds 
But I am always honest with my doctor 
And I don't take the piss at all
I'm incredibly grateful to have an understanding and empathetic doctor
Not every one does 

In other news 
I have had a lot of very interesting and insightful comments on my blog over the last few days 
It seems like the direction of my blog is changing 
And so are my readers and comments 
After my last post about horse riding 
And the instructor 
Someone left a very interesting comment 
I think it was Shelby if I remember correctly 
She wrote about how people outside of family, therapists, nurses and doctors 
Can be opinionated 
Rude even 
But that's life for you 
I think it's a very interesting point 
Thus far 
The people I have encountered 
Are mostly family of course 
My doctor 
My psychiatrist
My counsellors 
Staff in treatment centres 
People who care 
And are very kind and gentle 
Now I am out in the big bad world 
And putting myself out there a lot more 
So of course I am meeting a wide variety of people 
And not everyone is as tuned in to me as say my family 
And that's perfectly fine 
I don't tell everyone I meet about my issues 
That wouldn't be right 
So people can be assholes 
That's life
The people I've encountered so far 
Have been amazingly friendly and kind 
Especially at work 
My co workers are so lovely 
Always willing to help out 
And good craic too
But of course I have met some people who aren't so nice 
Not so much in work 
But in every day life 
And that's fine 
It's unrealistic to presume that we will get on with everyone 
Not everyone will get on
And not everyone will like us 
That's just the way it is 

So yes 
My life is a hell of a lot more interesting  now 
I am making new friends 
My confidence is growing a little bit every day 
And it feels so good to have s purpose 
A reason to get up in the morning 
To have my own money 
That I earned and worked hard for 
It's such a satisfying feeling 
And also having a pay cheque every week is a bonus 
Actually having a bit extra money is amazing 
I don't have to scrimp and save
And I can treat  myself now and again 
So all in all 
Life is good 
My life is full 
With work 
With my hobbies 
Horse riding 
My dogs 
I feel good 
Happy even 
Long may it last.....


  1. I hope you can access this essay about ...'Learning to be kind to yourself when you (inevitably) make mistakes could have a remarkable effect on your happiness'

    And thanks for your words. Treasured and from the 'other side of the pond' in the States. Keep blogging!

    Here's the LINK to the essay...(cut and paste the entire, long link)

  2. Onwards and upwards; it sounds like things are going well, of which I am glad :)

  3. I firstly want to say I'm so proud of you for how far you've come over the last little bit. Its truly incredible and inspirational.

    Secondly, I'm so glad you have such wonderful doctor. My doctor and I have a similar relationship (although I've only been seeing her consistently for just over two years ) and it makes a world of difference when it comes to my treatment

  4. I'm glad to hear you're doing so well getting out of your comfort zone and doing new things, and meeting new people. True, not everyone you meet will be pleasant, but as long as you can treat every new person as a new lesson/experience, I think that's good.

    Hope you can start working to reduce the methadone soon. It will be a big challenge, but a huge step in your recovery. Your doc sounds like a good sort. I like mine, but to be honest I think he has so many patients, he just hands out drugs and does little to get to know us. :/ My regular doc would never have prescribed me regular doses of any kind of sedatives, as he had he me labeled too high a suicide risk. They've changed the laws here now, only a psychiatrist can prescribe things like anti-depressants and sedatives, and only if you meet with them once a month. It's a god thing, I think. We've had more than a few medical malpractice cases at work where the patients had access to waaaayyyyy too many drugs and ended up overdosing.

    Hope you are well!

  5. That's such a good point about how surprising it can be to be treated in a different way than we are used to being treated by the people who have been helping us recover. Reading that, I realize how my relationships have changed so dramatically since recovering from an ED. I'm actually "the stable one" in a lot of my friendships now. I'm the one that listens to other's problems and tries to comfort and advise. I still have friendships that are more supportive to me personally, but it is quite a change to have people depending on me and seeing me as a resource. It can get overwhelming, so I also have to make sure I'm doing ok and talk to the people that are good at helping me work through my own issues. It's good to have relationships where we are providing a bit more help than we are getting, but you're right that we can't just let ourselves get used up.


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