Saturday, 18 June 2016


I went horse riding again today
At the stables near my house
Today I was on Lady
Who is in fact Rayons mother
Rayon you might remember from last week who was like a bolt of lightening he was so fast
I was in a class of four today
With Lisa 
Who you might also remember from last week 
Who is the ex show jumper 
Chloe who actually works at the stables 
And another kid whose name I didn't get
Right from the start 
I felt way out of my depth
All these girls had been riding for years 
And here I was with less than four months experience 
Trying my best to keep up
Roisin was out instructor again today 
This lesson feels a lot different from the horse therapy I do on a Wednesday 
I feel a lot more pressure at these lessons 
To perfect things 
And to get things right 
Horse therapy is so much more gentle and relaxed 
Of course we try and do things right there too
But these lessons are definitely proper lessons 
So yea 
I did feel like I was trying to keep up today 
I'm really trying to work on my canter 
Roisin tells me I am bouncing rather than sitting in 
At one point she said everyone was sitting in except for me 
That didn't help my confidence much 
But then again 
At another point she said I was doing well for a beginner
I would love to ask Roisin if it is worth my while keeping it up 
I mean shit
I know I'm never going to be a champion horse rider 
But it would like to know if I am making progress 
As I am trying really hard 
And it's always nice to get some positive feedback 
I forgot to ask Roisin today 
But I will definitely ask her next week
I just want to know that all my hard work is not in vain 
And I am at least improving A little 

I came home feeling a bit deflated after the lesson 
And did something incredibly stupid 
I was measuring out my methadone 
Thinking I only had today's and tomorrow left 
And accidentally took two days instead of one
Which leaves me with no methadone for Monday 
How stupid of me 
Now I'm going to have to get to the doctor on Monday
Which is a right pain 
But I can't go without it 
It had to be done 
So needless to say 
I am not having a good day so far 

Roisin tells me that cantering should be easier 
But I feel like I am bouncing quite a lot m
I try to sit in
And do the things that Roisin shouts at me 
But I just felt like a total numpty today 
In comparison with the others 
I had a chat with my Mam when I came home 
She thinks I put too much pressure on myself 
She is not wrong 
I am very hard on myself 
And I want everything done yesterday 
I have to remember to pace myself 
To allow myself time to learn and improve 
I mean I do love it 
But I probably  enjoy horse therapy more 
I know some of you have experience with horses 
Don't was wondering if you had any advice 
For someone whose confidence is at an all time low 
I want to ask for feedback from the instructors 
But part of me is afraid they are going to say that I should probably not give up my day job
I don't know 
I guess I am just having a rough day 

Below are some photos from today 
I keep forgetting to get a photo when I'm on the horse 
The first ones are of me and the beautiful Lady 
The last couple are of myself and Lady
And Lisa and Rayon

Any tips and advice on riding are very much appreciated 


  1. I find it interesting, the difference between therapy and lessons. You've definitely opened my eyes to the benefits of equine therapy (though I'd still tell my old MHN to shove it where the sun don't shine). Even if you're not making huge steps in form, as long as you're enjoying it and it's helping you, that's what really matters.

    You look very much the part!


    1. In reality
      I think I am improving
      But probably not as fast as id like
      I think I need to decide what to do between the two stables
      And pick one or the other
      I enjoy both
      But I guess it boils down to what I want out of it
      Lots to think about
      But whatever happens
      I will continue to ride x

  2. said before but lose the stirrups, makes u sit deep hold saddle if you want.
    don't want sound bossy but very horsey past! jo x

  3. might email instead so difficult now to comment wonder if other s having same thing

    1. Yes do email Jo
      And you're not bossy at all
      It's all good advice
      And I really need that at the moment x

  4. this is a very important moment hun, to keep going now! REGARDLESS of what Roisin might have to say! this is where we often fail, we ED people with our fragile confidence, craving for approval.
    but it is a great opportunity to learn for life: you love riding! you do not need anyone to tell you if its "worth your while". Also you have been doing this for a very short time and you have been so brave.YOU do know that! and now keep going! besides the stable with Roisin sounds a bit on the tough side (or just money making?), you should be in group with riders on your level, instead, because they way is now, there is no way to keep up , as they have been riding so much longer!
    And now you go girl! keep doing what you love, this and the gorgeous animals should always be "worth our while!
    PS:looking great!!!

    1. This is very true Julia
      I do want to be told I am doing well
      And my confidence and self esteem is do very fragile
      I will hang in there though
      If only for the love of the animals x

  5. She's lovely!! Like a horse out of a Western film.

    If you enjoy it, keep at it. You don't have to be the best, or even close to the best; what maters is you're enjoying it. Take my music--I'm absolute rubbish on the guitar and only middling on the bass, but I love playing music, so I keep doing it. I know I'll never even be excellent (or even very good, to be honest), but I can be ok, and I'm totally cool with that.

    Jo has some good advice^
    Maybe at one of your upcoming therapy lessons, see if they'll let you ride with no saddle. It will give you a better feel for how a horse moves in general (which is more difficult to do in a saddle), so that when you're back in a saddle, you'll be better able to interpret the horse's movements and adjust your position to suit it. It's all about falling into the same rhythm as the horse.

    It took me ages to master cantering, they had me cantering around the field with no saddle OR bridle, and while that was terrifying, it sort of forced me to learn how to sit on the hose. ...also made me a speed-freak when it comes to horse riding--the faster and wilder the horse, the more I wanted to make friends. The retired racehorses were my fav, they are CRAAAAAZY.


    1. Thanks Mich
      You sound like you know what you are talking about
      I'm thinking I might concentrate on horse therapy for the moment
      Maybe going to two different lessons is confusing matters

      Hope you're well my dear x

  6. Unfortunately in the world people are OFTEN very snappy and bossy. Totally different to counselors therapists family, nurses and the like.

    They just expect you can take it. On one hand thats not so bad!

    My best advice is DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY.

    Just remember you are there for your own gain skills...not to be the most loved or whatever.

    BUT If its detrimental to your confidence at this stage PLEASE stick to horse therapy! You can go back to lessons later.

    Don't unravel over this!!

    MUCH LOVE shelby xoxo

    1. Don't worry darl
      I won't unravel over this
      Yesterday was a tough day
      Today I feel a little better
      It takes more than that to bring this girl down
      But you are right
      People in the real world can be pushy and bossy
      I am so used to bring around kind gentle people
      Who almost carry me along
      How and ever
      I won't give up just yet x

  7. Ha, you should've seen me when I just started riding, bouncing like a squirrel on speed with my legs flailing behind me. But even I ended up a pretty good rider with time. That's the keywords: with time.

    The thing is, you are a beginner. You cannot master riding just like that. I know, you want it NOW, goddamit, but it takes a lot of work (because that is EXACTLY what you want to hear right now XD).

    Or maybe there is too much going on in your life right now, maybe horse therapy is enough? I mean, TWO different classes? Most of us had to do with one :)

    1. That's it CP!
      I want it to all happen now for me
      I want to be a proper horse rider right now this second
      I am impatient at the best of times
      But yes
      I think I may be confusing things with the two lessons
      So I might rethink the whole situation x

  8. You're lightyears beyond me with the horse experience, so I really have no advice to offer. heart will always be in the therapy camp. So much healing can come from connecting with an animal, especially a horse that holds so much power. I agree with your mam that you're very hard on yourself.


Thank you for leaving some love x