Thursday, 28 July 2016


Yesterday was a long day
I went horse riding in the morning 
Which as always was brilliant
We are now concentrating on our technique 
Our position 
Our leg position
It was all a bit confusing if I am honest 
But I am just trying to concentrate on one thing at a time 
And hopefully it will all come together in the end 
Star was in great form yesterday 
And was truly a joy to ride 
Even if he does spend quite a lot of time trying to bite me 
He lives up to his name every week
He is a star
We also did some cantering 
Which is exhilarating 
Every time I do it 
I get butterflies in my tummy 
But then it is just pure enjoyment and fun 
It's a buzz 
The kind I used to get off narcotics 
It's amazing to have found a natural high 
So bloody amazing 
After riding 
We had a quick cuppa 
Before heading off
As i had to work at 4pm
I get a lift to riding with Fintan every week 
He picks me up in town at 10am 
And we head out 
We always stop in the village 
To buy carrots for the horses
And a bit of chocolate for a bit of energy 
Myself and Fintan have become great friends 
And we have discovered that we have an awful in common 
Not just the horse riding 
Fintan is what they call a para rider 
As he has a condition that effects his muscles 
I really enjoy his company every week
And we always have a good laugh 
Sometimes we have serious conversations too
But whatever the topic 
We always enjoy it 
We keep in contact during the week too
In fact I am just off the phone from him
He is about 15 years older than me
So I get to see the benefit of his experience 
Which is great 
Especially where the riding is concerned 
It also has shown me what true friendship looks like 
And Fintan is fast becoming a very good friend 
In fact I have made a few new friends recently 
At work too
And slowly but surely 
I am letting go of people who have thrown me the scraps of friendship 
And expected me to be grateful for the fumes of friendship
I made the mistake of depending on one person 
And when that person inevitably lets me down 
I have nothing 
There is one particular girl 
Who blows hot and cold 
And often lets me down 
Now I can see that I don't have to put up with that shit 
I deserve better 
I am a good friend 
If you are my friend 
Then I look out for you 
I have your back 
I'll be there to laugh with you through the good times 
And let you cry on my shoulder through the tough times 
But treat me badly 
And I don't stick around 
You won't see me for dust

After riding 
I went to my favourite shop 
To stock up on dog food 
Before heading home 
I was home just after 2pm 
And had to work at 4pm
I forced myself to eat something 
As if my brain is not fed properly 
It just won't function
And I generally feel all over the place 
So I had some tea and toast 

Another little issue im having is my Meds 
If I am working 
I usually don't then until I get home
But yesterday for example 
On the way home from riding 
I was yawning non stop 
And my eyes were streaming 
The first symptoms of opiate withdrawal 
So I took my methadone when I got home 
And waited to take my Meds until I got home from work 
But it flags a problem 
In that I do need to sort out the way I take them 
So I guess I will talk to my doctor next week 

So yea 
Life is good 
And my faith in the human race was restored yesterday 
When I was in the super market 
And when my items were scanned. I realised that I didn't have my wallet with me 
In a fluster 
I apologised to the check out guy 
And said that I would have to leave it 
I was walking away 
When someone called me back 
The man behind me in the queue paid for my shopping!
How nice was that?
I thanked him
And was really blown away
It was only a few euros 
But the gesture was huge 
So today 
I did my good deed 
And picked up an old man who was walking in to the village in the pouring rain 
And it felt good to pay it forward 

Apart from that 
All is well 
I'm working
I'm also working on my recovery 
I'm getting out there 
Mixing with people 
I'm getting out of the house 
And out of my own sick head 
I'm doing my best to be a good person 
And every day I ask for help to not hurt myself or anyone else
God knows things were sour for long enough
But that just makes the good times that bit sweeter 

That's me over and out for today 
I will love you and leave you 
And see you on the next post 
I must post some photos too
As I haven't done that in a while
See you soon....


  1. I'm so glad that you have both Fintan and riding. :) True, honest friendship is so beautiful and rewarding. I'm learning that I am so much stronger in my recovery when I'm actually engaging with people. I'm an introvert, so this is sometimes a challenge, but I'm finding that if I push myself to get out there...I won't regret it.

  2. It really is SW
    It seems that people come in to my life just when I need them
    God friends are precious
    We must hold on to them x

  3. i loved reading this post. i just love seeing you like this! it's just so refreshing!

    can't help but grin from ear to ear, especially after i read about that tidbit with that man in the shop.

    you deserve this. and you deserve more.

    keep on fighting, love xxx

    -Sam Lupin

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