Friday, 12 August 2016

Workin' 9 to 5....

Well not quite 9 to 5
More like 8 - 4
But you know what I mean
Our hours had been cut last week
Due to the centre being quiet mid week
But I managed to pick up some extra hours this week
As one of the girls is sick
Yesterday I was in by myself 
I was supposed to be working 8-12pm
But in actual fact 
I didn't get away until 3pm
There was just a lot to be done 
And I wanted to leave things in some sort of order 
Before I left 
I was chatting to Georgina in the office 
I said to her that I felt like I was forgetting to do something 
She told me not to second guess myself 
To be confident that I have done everything to a high standard 
But even so 
I was reluctant to leave without checking every thing 
And actually 
When I got home 
I started to worry that I hadn't turned the gas off 
And texted Georgina to check 
Of course I had 
But still 
Better safe than sorry 
I couldn't live with myself if I had inadvertently caused an accident at work 
But anyway 
All was well 
And I did my best to leave everything spic and span
I didn't even stop to eat 
So i know I worked hard 
Before I left 
Georgina asked me if I had seen one of the interviewers for my job on Monday 
His name is John
And he was one of the panel that interviewed me back in February
Apparently he called in to the centre this week
But I don't remember seeing him
He obviously saw me
As he said to Georgina that I was a different woman 
They was nice to hear 
She also said that back at my interview 
I looked quite unwell
I remember it so clearly 
I was going to wear a great jacket to the interview 
But my mam said I looked too thin I it 
So I had to find something else 
All along 
Georgina has said that the centre will be good for me 
And I will be good for the centre 
It's so true 
I am loving work 
And it has done me the world of good 
I couldn't ask for more 

As I said 
I was in on Monday morning for one of the girls 
I was chatting to the chef 
He is a young man 
The same age as me 
H was telling me that he had hurt his back playing golf 
And also that his chest was sore 
I was telling him that he should go to the doctor 
But like a typical man 
He wouldn't 
In fact at 9am 
I ran over to my own doctor 
To collect my script 
The chef asked me if I mind going to the doctor 
I said I didn't 
And in fact I had to go every week
He asked why 
And I knew I had talked myself in to corner 
For some reason 
I'm not quite sure why 
But I ended up telling him that I had a drug problem years ago
And that I was on a methadone programme
He reacted quite well
And seemed very curious 
Asked me questions 
I get on with this guy pretty well
So I didn't feel uncomfortable telling him 
He said he wouldn't tell anyone 
And I believe him
Although afterwards
I worried that I had been a bit too honest 
But look 
I'm open about my past 
I have nothing to hide 
And it's not like i am going around broadcasting it 
I told one person 
It's done now 
You can't unring a bell
I don't worry that he judged me 
He is not like that 
And anyway 
If he talks 
I'll know he broke my trust 
And I won't risk telling anyone else 

I'm back in work this evening 
Just four hours 
Which always flies by 
Then I'm back in tomorrow morning for hours 
Then an eight hour shift on Sunday
So I'll have a very healthy pay cheque next week 
Which is always nice

Thank you all for your feedback on my last post
I know I haven't been great at replying to comments
So apologies for that
But no 
I'm not going anywhere 
This blog 
And my friends here mean too much to me 
Even if our community is shrinking 
There are still plenty of us to keep it going 
Even if no one reads 
My blog is still a personal record for myself 
A diary of sorts 
And of course 
I always write in the hope that my blog can help someone else in a similar situation 
Because as you know 
My life has been quite eventful 
And I am coming out the other side of my illness and issues 
There is one thing that always sticks in my mind 
Something my psychiatrist wrote in a letter once 
That I have a 'chronic eating disorder'
And 'severe and enduring mental illness'
I can remember reading that and thinking 
That's not me 
That must be about someone else 
The words chronic 
And severe and enduring just sounded so hopeless 
These are words that have never left me 
And being my stubborn self 
Wanted to prove that doctor wrong 
Now I am 
I've managed to claw back in a few months, everything that I lost in the previous 15 years 
As I often say 
As quickly as things can go wrong 
They can also turn around just as quick 
It is just so so important to keep hoping and believing that things can get better 
To keep fighting for a better life 
For you and your family 
Because for every person that has a mental health issue or addiction
There is a whole group of family and friends that are suffering too
Often in silence 
If you think you can't go own 
If recovery seems like something out of reach 
Please know that it is possible 
I promise you that 
You have just got to keep holding on 
It will pay off 
And you will get better 
Look at me 
I thought I would never get well
And now I am the best I've been in a long time 
It is possible 
Recovery can happen 
It's there 
You just have to reach out and grab it


  1. I always feel back and forth about work. I decided this week I was going to marry rich :P. Just kidding, but really, Helen j was out of work for two months eating through my savings and my boyfriend was taking care of most of the bills it put me even further into the depression hole. I wasn't sleeping right, I was anxious, it was a mess. Being back to work and interning as well gives me some purpose, despite being really tired and the draining nature of mental health work. I think it's good you were honest. I have wondered the same but I've also thought, I'm not ashamed of where I've been as many people seem to be in my field and they hide it, and that's not me. I would also like to add that there are many addicts that have come through the treatment center in the age group of 30s to 50s that are starting over too, and it's hard, but they do it. They go to meetings, they work, they build support and get counseling when needed and mend those broken relationships so it's not about what age you are, you can always recover. I'm glad you're working becaude you're at a place I had always wished you'd be at and it brings me great joy. Love you lots Rubes.

    1. Ps, sorry for the typos, for some reason on blogger my phone doesn't like typing correctly.

  2. You're just so amazing! Love you loads xoxo

  3. You were never going to be a chronic case honey. you were obviously full of Potential. x

  4. I love reading about the progress you're making; you really are a role model, showing that it is possible. Love you to bits, although I've been a bad commenter lately...

  5. It sounds like you have an exceptional work ethic. It's a rare thing, and the sort of thing that makes a person indispensable to an employer.

    Chef sounds like a good sort. And to be honest, when you reach a certain point in recovery, I feel like telling people your story can be a good thing. Being so open about it shows how far you've come, and what a strong person you've become. And in some ways, makes you out to be a person others could come to for comfort or advice. Wise to the ways of the world.

    This community is like the weather--the clouds shrink and grow and shrink again, and sometimes seem to disappear altogether for a while, but in the end it's always here.


  6. If you don't want to be exposed online I'd think about starting a new, unconnected blog. Maybe just let some good buds online know where you at.

  7. I just found out about your blog and your words are so insipiring. You're amazing, I don't know if I could ever be as strong as you are. I wish you the best because you deserve it. :)


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