Friday, 23 September 2016

Hello out there?

It's no secret
That over the last few months 
I haven't been the best blogger
Or the best reader or commenter 
I guess I kind of feel like I'm not relevant anymore 
That maybe my blog has done its piece 
And maybe I should think about retiring 
I don't want to
I want to write 
But I am just not getting much feedback these days 
So I don't know if people are reading 
If my blog is still helping people 
And even if it's good for me
Don't get me wrong 
I love you all dearly 
But I am starting to wonder if my blog has run its course 
And maybe it's time to say goodbye 
For now at least 

I started writing this blog back in 2012 
And have faithfully documented every step of my life since then 
I have met the most amazingly kind and wonderful people 
Who I will stay in touch with whether I continue to write or not 
I heavily relied on my blog when I was unwell
I was so isolated and trapped in my illness 
I didn't have friends 
I was so very lonely 
And relied on my blog for support 
For friendship 
For a break from the relentlessness of my condition
Blogger and all the girls in it
We're there for me over the years when I couldn't bear to leave the house or face the world 
But over the last six months 
My situation has improved greatly 
I made friends 
I held down a job 
I regained weight to a healthy BMI
And generally improved in all areas 
Now that my real life is flourishing 
I don't need my blog as much now
I don't have the time 
As I am out living my life 
So I guess that is a good thing 

Anyway 
This is a shout out to you 
If you are reading
If you are still following me 
Let me know t
Let  me know that you are there 
That I am still relevant
And please 
Be honest 
I'm a big girl 
I can take it 
I just need to know that I am still part of this community
And that our community is still thriving 
This is an invitation to you 
To comment 
To text 
To email 
Let me know that you are there 
That my story still needs to be told 
Show me you are there.......

23 comments:

  1. Hi Ruby, I understand where you're coming from. I definitely much less then I used to but I'll always write no matter what. I find the feedback has slowed down from a couple of years ago ... I get that people move on, it's life.

    I think you should keep your blog and write when you feel like it. There will be days you want to document and I'm sure your story here can/wool help others. Ultimately it's your decision xox ♡◇

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Launna

      Good to hear from you
      And thanks for your thoughts
      I guess my blog is evolving
      Along with my life
      And I need to find a new place
      I mean I rarely write about my conditions anymore
      And I think that's a good thing
      Don't worry though
      I'm not stopping just yet

      Hope you are well Launna x

      Delete
  2. I'm still here, faithfully reading your blog, staring in awe, agog at the screen at your amazing achievements. You make me believe that recovery is possible. You make me believe that there is a life out there.

    But I know where you're coming from. I have literally just had a chat with two staff here who don't think it's good me keeping my blog and they want me to stop writing which is breaking my heart. I don't want to stop, so now I don't know what to do, like you...
    xoxo
    p.s. sorry for not being much help

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aw thanks partner
      I know you are there
      And I am so grateful to have you as a friend
      I feel the exact same about you
      You blow me away with how far you have come
      And how strong you have become
      You are an inspiration to me!
      One hundred per cent!!

      The thing is
      I can see both sides of the argument for blogging
      As it can be both a negative air positive thing
      Depending on what circles you move in
      The blogs you follow
      And what you read
      It's just like life really
      The triggers are always there
      We just need to learn to avoid them or deal with them
      Ultimately it's your blog
      Can I ask why your staff members are opposed to it?

      Hope you see this
      As I haven't been replying to comments recently

      Xxxxxx

      Delete
    2. We just have to keep going don't we, no matter what life throws at us, and I think we are both living proof of that, we can keep going, we are strong young women.

      You're right, we need to learn to avoid triggers, and I think I'm pretty good at that, in the blogging world anyway. I have nothing to do with pro ana/pro mia blogs etc.

      I really don't want to stop blogging, but I don't want to go against what the professionals think either. My blog is my baby, proof of my achievements, my mistakes, reminders of how I can move forward when I put my mind to it, reminders of how far I have come, and a way of helping others, reaching out to those who are in the same/similar boat. I feel a part of something, I feel worth something on my blog.

      Staff think that my blog is maintaining my situation/preventing me from moving forward. I wasn't confident enough to be able to tell them I don't agree. What do you think?

      xxxxxxx

      Delete
  3. I'm still here. :) Just haven't had much oomph to say anything lately...in blogs or comments. I've read your blog for much longer than I've been commenting and have always found courage and hope in what you write, even on your tough days.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey SW
      Thanks for your comment
      I guess you make a good point
      A lot of people read and don't comment
      And that's ok
      I know some people may feel uncomfortable doing so

      How are you doing? X

      Delete
    2. hi ruby don't know if it will go through try comment but it won't work, alw`ys read and so pleased at your story x jo

      Delete
    3. Hi Jo
      Thanks love
      I know you are there
      You are amazing x

      Delete
    4. I'm ....okay? I think? lol I have a lot of thoughts rolling around in my head that I'm hoping to blog about soon. :)

      Delete
  4. I'm here! Still reading! My blog has been super quiet lately too. XOXO

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Kate
      I appreciate it
      I hope you and your beautiful little girl are keeping well x

      Delete
  5. You will always be relevant to me and I've followed you from the start. You are an inspiration to me, and have shown that recovery IS possible, after years of illness and addiction. Do what's right for you, and don't worry about what others think <3 xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Agnes
      For your kind words
      They mean a lot
      And yes
      I think I need to do what's right for me
      I want to to keep blogging
      I would miss all of you way too much x

      Delete
  6. Luv I think this is like the 3rd time you've posted this. :P

    It seems like your tendency to second guess your own worth also extends to your blog--when blogger goes quiet, you feel like there's no point in blogging. And like I've told you before, you should be blogging first and foremost for YOU. If you like writing and blogging, keep doing it, and who cares how many people read it. Those of us who've been there from the beginning will still be here.

    Maybe what you need is a change? Like a new look or theme, and a change of direction, like posting about your life in general or subjects and issues that interest you rather than focusing on ED and recovery subject matter. A lot of us have done that over the years. My blog started as a diary of my starvation, then a diary of my recovery, and now it's just a hot mess of whatever I feel like blathering on about. (And honestly most of the time I'm amazed anyone reads it at all....)

    I personally would hate to see you go. <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know Mich
      It just keeps coming up for me
      But to be honest
      I want to write
      No matter how many people read or don't read
      I love the connections I have made here
      I guess sometimes I feel like I am shouting in to the abyss that is the internet
      And I don't know if anyone hears me
      But
      I know
      I've written about this a few times
      I just need to vent you know?

      And don't worry
      I'm not going any where just yet x

      Delete
    2. Good. :) Maybe consider the change of scenery? Since I started, now I can't stop. That's why I revamp everything for each season.

      Delete
  7. I never followed your blog because you had an eating disorder. So I'm not going to stop now just because you blog about that less. I think you need to give yourself more credit for being a likeable person and for being somebody worth knowing outside the box of ED.

    You shouldn't force yourself to blog if it's not worth it to you anymore. But there's no rule that you have to blog at a certain frequency, and there's no rule that you have to blog about a certain topic and not others.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks EM
      That's really sweet of you to say
      I guess I am just finding out who I am without my ED and addictions
      I think my blog needs to evolve as my life has

      Thank you x

      Delete
  8. Still here Ruby!

    But there's no good in being a feedback addict.....Sometimes it's just a quiet time. In my case it's spring so it's a busy time and more outdoorsy, you know?

    Anyway aren't you partly writing this for yourself as a journaling exercise?!

    Shelby xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Shelby

      I know
      And it is quiet
      But it seems it's quiet for a lot of people
      Not just me
      I guess that's just the way it goes sometimes
      And yes
      I am writing for myself primarily

      Hope you are well x

      Delete
  9. Always here for you, even if it's just the occasional update. Sorry, you can't get rid of me that easily ;)

    xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oh my, this is so belated...but I always catch up on loved ones!
    It's sad to see bloggers go (I guess I might be one of those) but I always check from time to time to see how everyone is doing.
    I could never leave this place entirely -the writing, it's a part of me, and there's too many kind people such as yourself that were there through so much, I could never forget about you all!

    Much love
    xx

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for leaving some love x