Thursday, 22 September 2016

Taking the rough with the smooth....

Life is full of ups and downs 
And the only real constant is change
As you know
I go horse riding on a Wednesday 
And for the last couple of weeks 
I've been been doing two classes instead of one 
Because the equestrian centre is a full hours drive from my house 
So it makes sense for me to make the trip worthwhile 
Let me tell you in no uncertain terms 
Horse riding is not easy 
The pros make it look effortless
And you could be fooled in to thinking that the horse does all the work 
But in actual fact it is hard work controlling a horse 
Trotting can be exhausting 
As you are using your whole body to rise and fall in rythm with the horse
You need to be pretty fit to ride a horse properly 
There is a reason why I'm always sore the next day 
It's because I am engaging so many different muscle groups while riding 
Anyway 
In my first lesson yesterday 
There was myself, Fintan and another girl called Laura 
Eilish is our instructor 
From the get go 
She was pushing us hard 
For me 
It was getting my posture correct 
And for Fintan 
It was his legs 
Fintan has a condition that wastes his muscles 
And he is finding riding tough going at the moment 
Fintan has become a really good friend over the last few months 
We talk every day in the phone 
We travel to riding together 
And we generally get along very well
But back to the point of this post 
After a warm up 
And a few rounds of trotting 
It was time for cantering 
For the last couple of weeks 
I have been stressing about my canter 
As it doesn't always happen for me
And I don't know why 
So 
I was first up
I trotted Star on and we got to the corner 
Eilish was shouting at me to 'Sit in!!'
And I was trying my best 
But it didn't happen 
She had me circle and go back around to try again 
But 
The same thing happened 
I was beginning to get frustrated at this point 
But Eilish had me go round again
And this time she gave me a whip
I trotted on 
Trying to get a steady pace 
So Star could easily transition in to a canter 
At the corner 
I gave him a tap of the whip as I sat in 
And straight away 
He went into a canter 
He really is a tidy little mover when he wants to be 
I got such a buzz off cantering around the arena 
As I reached the back of the arena 
I heard Eilish shout something at me 
I thought she said go around again 
But she had actually been telling me to circle 
I didn't hear in time though
And went around the arena again 
It feels amazing when the canter comes together
But it is beyond frustrating when it doesn't work out 
And more often than not 
I can't tell why it hasn't worked
Eilish really pushed me though 
And it can be hard to take 
After the first lesson
She asked me if I thought she was being too hard on is 
I said I didn't 
And I don't 
As a lot of the time I do better when pushed 
But sometimes 
Communication is an issue 
And something's get lost in translation
But I am so hard on myself anyway 
So having someone else be hard on me too can be a bit of a downer 
So the first lesson finished
And myself and Fintan got a cuppa 
And had a meeting about the lesson 
The general consensus was that it's a real bummer when the riding doesn't happen for us
But 
It's like anything 
Some days it happens 
And other days it doesn't 
And it could be down to any number of things 
The horse 
Fatigue
Or a combination of both 
That's just the way it is 
You hAve to take the rough with the smooth 

As I said earlier 
I am very hard on myself 
And am probably a bit of a perfectionist 
I want to be the very best that I can be 
I was to grow 
And improve 
And thrive 
I love horse riding 
But I also love to be good at it 
Fintan tells me that he is happy to walk and trot and do a bit of dressage 
But I'm not 
I want more 
I want to go as far as I can with this 
Where that is?
I have no clue 
But I am excited to find out 
To explore my potential 
I put a huge amount of effort in to horse riding 
It takes me over an hour to drive there
And in every lesson 
I give it my all 
Because I love it 
Because I want to be the best horse rider that I can be  
I guess that is my personality 
And when I was ill
I used these traits in a self destructive way
I used my stubbornness
Determination 
And perfectionistic streak to maintain an addiction 
And also to lose weight 
I am the type of person that when I want something 
I will get it come hell or high water 
In my addiction 
It was like playing a game of cat and mouse 
Trying to stay one step ahead of withdrawals 
And I was always playing catch up
I was constantly trying to come up with money to feed my habit 
And it is truly amazing the ways and means that I went to to score my drug
The lengths I went to were truly incredible 
So now I guess I am putting these traits and skills in to healthier pursuits 
Like horse riding 
Like my job
I swear 
If I put half the energy in to improving life as I did in to my addiction 
Then I am doing well
That is for sure 

In other news 
I haven't heard back from the course I applied for 
I really hope to hear something before the weekend 
I just want to know if I have a place or not 
As I hate hanging around just waiting 
But if it doesn't work out 
Then I will find something else 
I trust that I will be guided in to the right path
And that I am exactly where I am supposed to be
As someone once said 
When one door closes 
A window opens 
I just hope my next window leads me to a happy place 
I just want to do something to learn 
To be happy 
Content 
To work in an area I love 
To be a good person 
That's all I want

So that brings me to the end of another post 
Thank you for staying with me 
I know the changes in my life and my blog are difficult to adjust to 
But I appreciate you sticking by me 
Thank you 
From the bottom of my heart...

1 comment:

  1. Sticking by you, always. You're doing good partner :) Like you say, you have to take the rough with the smooth, as long as you get back up and keep going every single time. You can do this, you're doing amazing xxx

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