Monday, 5 September 2016

One year on...

This morning 
I did something I've been wanting to do for the past 12 months
I agonised and stressed over it lot
And felt incredibly guilty for what I had done the year previously
But first 
Rewind 
Back 18 months ago
You may remember I wrote a post called 'Caught' if I remember correctly 
It told the story of how I was caught shoplifting in my locality 
It was a real low point for me
As you also may remember 
Up until last year 
I was having a lot of issues with shoplifting 
That started with food
And then spread to other areas like clothes and jewellery 
They say you shouldn't shit on your own back door 
And stupidly 
That's exactly what I did
I went in to the shop that day 
Browsed 
The shop owner was there 
Chatting to someone 
I asked if I could try on a couple of items 
And brazenly 
I put a top on under my clothes 
And walked out of the shop 
I was half way down the road 
When I heard someone calling me 
I nearly died when I turned and saw the girl from the shop
She ran up to me 
And asked if I had taken a top
I couldn't lie 
I said I had 
She asked where it was 
I said it was under my clothes 
She told me to take it off then and there in the street 
I pleaded with her to let me change in the shop 
It was a real rock bottom for me 
I don't know if anyone was watching our exchange 
It's very possible that they did 
Anyway 
She marched me up to the shop
I remember a police car passed us on the way 
The girl was fuming 
And rightly so 
I remember her saying that because I had stolen from her shop
She took it personally 
So 
I followed her to the shop 
Where I changed and handed her back the top
She basically told me to get out 
And not show my face in there again
I was just so grateful that she didn't call the guards 
My whole life would have changed for the worse if she had 
I left the shop with my tail between my legs
Utterly crushed and mortified

So 
Since then 
I have avoided that shop 
But a few months after it happened 
I felt a huge urge to return to the shop 
To explain
And to apologise 
But I just couldn't find the courage to do so
Fast forward to this morning 
I was walking down the Main Street of my town 
Having been in the doctors 
I was approaching the shop 
When I saw the girl outside doing something to the window 
All of a sudden 
I realised that this was my opportunity 
I called out to her 
She turned 
And walked towards me smiling 
I asked her if she remembered me 
At first she didn't 
But after a few seconds 
It began to dawn on her who I was 
I told her how I had wanted to approach her for so long 
And apologised profusely for taking from her shop
I explained that I had suffered with addiction and other mental health issues
And that I was in really bad place when I stole that top
I also apologised for putting her on the position where she had to be bad cop
She was very warm and understanding 
I explained that I was now in a much better place 
And asked if I could start coming in to her shop again 
She said yes no problem 
She thanked me for the apology 
And told me to stay on the straight and narrow 
I walked away from the girl 
Feeling so relieved that I had the chance to apologise to her 
And I think I left it just the right amount of time since the event 
Enough time for her to cool down 
And for me to get myself together
It's just so good to know there are no bad feelings about the situation
And I can know return to shopping in that store 

This is big for me 
To face the person who I had wronged took a massive amount of courage and swallowing my pride 
It just goes to show how far I have come 
I would never dream of stealing now 
And as I said to the girl 
Being caught was a turning point for me 
Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to knock some sense in to me
That situation could have turned out a whole lot differently 
And thankfully it didn't 
Because if she had called the guards that day 
And prosecuted 
I would now have a criminal record 
And I wouldn't have got the job in the holiday centre this summer 
It would have had a huge knock on effect for me 
So I am just so grateful to that girl 
For giving me a chance 
And for not involving the authorities 
It just goes to show 
That people are mostly decent and good 
But it definitely taught me a lesson 
And if nothing else 
Then it was a good thing 

8 comments:

  1. This actually made me cry! I'm so glad you did it.

    xx

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  2. What a compelling account, Ruby. I actually do remember the original post where you related the story of being caught. It is very perceptive of you to realize how easily that episode could have negatively affected your life trajectory had charges been pressed. So it is doubly wonderful that you seized the opportunity to redeem yourself, both to the shop owner and to yourself. It takes a great deal of resolve and bravery to acknowledge wrongdoing and apologize. You should be so proud of yourself and your evolution. I wish you every continued success!

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  3. Well done brave and the right thing to do. Good for everyone jo xx

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  4. I have no words, you're just too fecking amazing! You should be so very proud of yourself, you're maturing into the most miraculous person and I love you to bits more and more as you recover! You're such an inspiration, so brave, so determined to do the right thing. Keep going sunshine! Xoxo

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  5. You've come so far, and this is the proof. Strong bonds can be made between two people where one has wronged the other and later asked for forgiveness and been forgiven. You are probably both stronger after this. <3

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  6. What you did is very brave. It can't have been easy, but I'm sure both you and the shopkeeper feel better for it in the end.

    And congratulations on your year without shopping. That is a huge achievement!

    Also, happy (slightly belated) birthday, my dear! I hope you had a wonderful day. Where is the time going?!


    Take care <3
    xx

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  7. This is so beautiful. YOU, Ruby...have a soul that is beautiful. I'm inspired by your courage and determination to change.

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  8. why have you removed your birthday post ?

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Thank you for leaving some love x