Friday, 13 January 2017

When one door closes....

....another window opens
And it's so true!
I went in to school on Tuesday to officially sign off of my course
I wasn't looking forward to going in
And seeing everyone 
But as luck would have it
I only ran in to a couple of the girls 
And they were lovely 
I had to go to one of my tutors 
He asked how things were going 
I told him I was struggling 
And needed to take some time off
He said the door is always open 
And that I had been doing really well with my course work
Pity he didn't tell me that at the time 
I could have done with some positive feedback 
I am now off the course 
And I have to tell you 
It's like a weight lifted off my shoulders
And I'm not the only one 
Three other girls have left too
But I'll get back to that 
I went home feeling relieved 
If a little sad about what to do next 
I got home 
Later on 
My sister came in from work
And said she needed to speak to me 
There is a guy she works with 
Who has a pony 
And needs help looking after him
My interest was instantly peaked 
The horse is a piebald cob
He used to belong to travellers 
Who used him to pull vehicles 
And generally didn't treat him well 
His present owner has him about a year 
And up until recently he had a horsey companion who unfortunately died 
So the owner thinks the pony is lonely 
I immediately emailed the owner 
Who sent me information and pictures 
The pony has been renamed Coco
And needs help to be caught 
And fed
So I am going to visit Coco and his owner tomorrow 
And I don't need to tell you 
I am super excited!
I am going to show that pony so much love he won't know what hit him
But first things first 
We need to be introduced 
We need to build a relationship and trust 
And I have  I doubt it will take time 
Patience is not a virtue I possess 
Being a greedy addict 
I want everything now!
I just know this pony is going to teach me so much 
I haven't even met him and I love him already!
Now I know I made the right decision about my course 
This is what I want to be doing 
Helping animals that have had a bad start in life 
And show them love and care and trust 
I just know me and Coco are going to be besties...

In other news
I went back to horse therapy this week
Back with my friends 
And my buddy Star
It was amazing 
I loved every second
I would post pictures but this app won't let me for some reason
By the way
If anyone wants to be friends on Facebook
Email me and I'll give you my name
I also met one of the girls from my course for tea yesterday 
She also has left the course 
We had a great chat 
And compared notes about our experience 
We are a similar age 
And we both found the classroom difficult 
The gossip
Discussing everyone's business 
We came to the conclusion that our horsemanship tutor was great 
But our horse riding instructor was really tough going 
The atmosphere in that stables was tense 
We were shouted at 
I was a nervous wreck going to the stables each week
To the point that I was dreading going in 
I also had to question where I was going after the course 
And what kind of job I wanted to get 
I now know that my heart lies in the rescue of animals 
I'm not really interested in competing or anything like it 
I want to help horses and donkeys 
That is my calling I think
And of course horse riding is a great hobby
For both physical and mental exercise 
All I know is that animals make me so happy 
My own dogs are two life savers 
I can't even begin to tell you how much they mean to me 
Which is why I was so upset over Leas recent diagnosis 
She is doing well though 
She gets her meds every morning 
She's eating and drinking well
Her form is good 
She is on rest thoughts 
So no walkers for her
Which I think she is finding tough
The vet recommended swimming though 
So when the weather improves I will bring her to the natural pool down at the beach
She is going back to the vet next week
So hopefully she continues up stay well

As for me?
I am doing pretty good 
I feel stable 
My body feels strong and able
Purging is a rarity 
And I'm not restricting or weighing 
I look ok
I don't love it 
But I don't hate it either 
I was speaking with my Dad this morning 
We were in the supermarket 
And he asked me if I needed Anything 
I said no
I didn't need anything 
He reminded me of the days I used up but bags of shopping every day
Spending a fortune on food that would eventually be flushed down the drain
It. Was. Bat shit crazy! 
I was a woman possessed 
I spent my days eating and purging 
Weighing myself multiple times a day 
My mood as well as my weight was like a yo-yo
Very unstable 
Very out of control
It was pretty scary 
To feel like I just couldn't stop
I used to wake up in the night 
And eat a packet of biscuits no bother to me
Now the thought of purging makes me come out in a cold sweat 
Now I eat little abs often 
I don't binge 
I don't restrict 
At this point 
I must stress
That things are by no means perfect 
They never will be 
And that's ok 
I am doing my level best 
And I am as close to happy as I have ever been 
But I must admit 
Like a typical addict 
I tend to look for replacements for the issue that I have under control
And for the last couple of years 
That addiction has bounced to my spending money 
Namely on clothes
Last year 
When I was working 
I was earning a nice little wage 
I saved nothing
Not a red cent 
I spent all my money on Fatface and Superdry and Roxy 
My room is bursting at the seams with hoodies and jeans and shoes and boots 
It's ridiculous 
More madness
I see something in line 
And I think to myself 
'If I had that jacket, my life would be complete!'
I buy it 
I get the parcel in the post 
I feel excited opening it
Trying it on 
And the novelty soon wears off
I'm straight back on the web looking at more clothes 
Make of that what you will
I gave an addictive personality 
When I become interested in something 
I am so enthusiastic 
So eager to learn and do and help
Now that I have realised the madness of my internet shopping 
That issue had to be replaced 
And it has been replaced 
By horses 
Which is pretty healthy compared to some of my own past addictions and obsessions
At least I can't harm myself or anyone around me 
This is just me. 
When I like something 
I love it and just want to be around it all the time 
And will do anything to do so
This is why I made a good addict 
Single minded and stubborn to the bitter end 
Even though I go from zero to sixty in jig time 
It can be a good thing 
I get things done quickly and efficiently 
But it also means I tend not to pace myself 
And jump in feet first without thinking things through 
I guess it's both a blessing and a curse 

I think that is all the news from my world 
Lots of positive things happening 
I feel good about the future 
I feel positive that everything will be ok
I will be ok





  1. you will be ok i know it love from jo its hard to comment but plsstay in touch email xx

  2. super, super excited to hear about Coco! SO excited!
    and about your sense of calling to rescue animals
    and about the doors just opening up at just the right time, in just the right way
    every blessing, dear Ruby. This is a BEAUTIFUL chapter of your life

  3. Sounds like you were meant to look after Coco.

    Sell your clothes online
    You might need some savings.

    All brands are Bulls.hit anyway....most clothing made in the same few factories. Its just another illusion like ED or smoking.

    Best x

  4. Screw the weight too. That won't help you following your calling. Quite the opposite.

  5. Aww, exciting news about Coco. The timing is perfect. Look forward to hearing updates.

    Off to email you re FB

  6. It's good to catch up on your news. :) I'm so happy that positive things are happening in your world!

    While came to my mind that it's really a blessing that you have come to know yourself so well. I suspect that's part of why you're finding so much success.

  7. such a shame that you are not writing here anymore now that you have achieved so much. you were always such great motivation. and i miss your writing. hope you are doing fine


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