Thursday, 11 May 2017

Falling in every sense of the word

I'm making a concerted effort to blog more
So here I am 
There is so much going on at the moment 
Coco and trying to care for him
I start work in two weeks which I'm very anxious about 
My Dads health isn't great 
He was recently diagnosed with Motor Neuron Disease 
And he spends a lot of time staying with us
As you may know my parents are separated
So that makes for interesting dynamics
As well as all that 
I did something really stupid on Monday 
I was over in the field with Coco and his owner 
We had just brought Coco for a walk down the lane 
And were back in the field 
Cocos owner suggested that I get up on his back 
And Miss Easily Led over here decided that was a good idea
He gave me a leg up 
And I was on his back
He was ok for a few seconds 
Then he seemed to spook and bucked and I came off
I landed on my right side and hopped my head off the ground 
I waited to feel pain
But all I could feel was utter shock 
I knelt on the ground with my head on my knees hoping I had done no damage 
But I was ok
The only thing that was hurt was my pride 
So as you can imagine 
I am feeling rather stupid 
I woke up the next morning with pain all down my right side
But it's easing and no permanent damage was done 
I went riding yesterday 
And told my trainer what had happened 
She was pretty gobsmacked that I could be so stupid 
She is also encouraging me to step back from the whole Coco situation 
It's tough because I have built up a relationship with the pony 
And he's become part of my day 
Part of my life 
Part of my little animal family 
So to walk away would break my heart 
It really would 
But my being thrown off was solely my fault 
And his owners fault
After the fall
I had to get on the back of a motor bike 
To be brought back to my car
And then drove the half hour home 
Which now that I think about it was pretty stupid
I could have had concussion or worse
Could have blacked out
I've had different reactions from everyone I've told 
Some are shocked 
Some think it's all part of looking after a pony 
Some think I should back off
The thing is though 
That Coco has come on so much recently 
He's a different pony to the one I met back in January 
I just need to slow down a bit 
As you may know 
I am a person of extremes 
All or nothing 
I go from zero to 100 in jig time 
So maybe I just need to put the brakes on 
And pace myself a bit 

In other news 
My anxiety at the moment is really effecting my food and my appetite 
Which is bad as with all the activity I'm doing I need energy 
It's just very hard to eat when your stomach is in knots 
And your head is a mess of negative thoughts 
I'm hoping that once I start work 
The anxiety will ease 
And things will level out 
Hopefully 
I don't know about you 
But I find social media quite anxiety provoking too
I use FB and a particular FB group
And every time I post 
I am worrying what people think
What will they say?
I mostly get positive feedback 
But there is always one person who can be on the nasty side 
But I guess that's what you get when you put your life out there for others to see and judge
You have to take the rough with the smooth

Anyway
I hope y'all are doing ok
I hope your week is going better than mine..

6 comments:

  1. FB is nice in that you can block any person from seeing your posts if they are dragging you down. I wish Blogger had an effective block feature.

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  2. Hang in there. You've overcome a lot of other stuff.

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  3. Well, they say, back in the saddle. I don't know if I subscribe to that, softly softly seems appropriate :)

    Anxiety is hard to deal with, and I wish I had a solution (if I find one, I'll tell you). Unfortunately it doesn't work with "just relax."

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  4. It is impossible to work with horses and never get thrown off of one. I stopped counting how many times I'd fallen off when I was only 12. Is there something else going on with Coco? Falling off once is no reason to back off.

    A friend once added me to a facebook group of crazy cat lovers. I have never encountered such petty, nasty people in my life (and all of them supposedly animal lovers?!). I left that group real quick.

    Hope you can get the anxiety under control. <3

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  5. Getting thrown off a horse was a weekly occurrence when I was young. I wouldn't worry. Where I'm from its normal to try out ponies even if they're a bit psycho. I wouldn't blame myself or the guy if I were you. I'd put it in the "part of life" basket. Not sure I'd do it now though -- not that young anymore.

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