The next chapter....

So work has finished up 

And I am in the look out for some work or a course to keep me occupied

And to keep my brain ticking over

Wednesday's are now completely dedicated to horse riding 

I head out to the riding centre at 10am

And I stay until about 3pm

I have my first lesson at 11am

Where I am in my usual group 

With Fintan and Pat 

I love our little group 

There is much piss taking and joking 

We just really enjoy the riding 

And each other's company 

It's a very supportive and caring environment 

I love it 

Then from 12pm - 1pm

I take a break

Have a cuppa 

And watch the next lesson

Helping out here and there 

Then at 1pm 

I have a private lesson 

Which is much tougher than the group lesson

I say tough

It's more challenging than tough

But I love it 

I love to be pushed 

To try and reach whatever potential I can 

In the group lesson 

I Am usually last in line 

So Star literally follows the horse in front 

And I have very little to do 

But in the private lesson 

I am the only one in the arena 

So Star is depending on me for signals and instructions 

These horses are smart 

They respond to the trainers voice 

All she has to say is 'Right, shorten up your reigns'

And the horse will immediately perk up and get ready to trot 

It's amazing really 

These are working arena horses 

And they know the routine inside out 

They know to canter at a corner 

They now trot means trot 

They know from my squeezing my knees that I want him to speed up

This weeks private lesson went a lot better than last weeks 

Last week I couldn't get my canter 

And I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong 

So with a canter 

You start with a trot 

You shorten your reigns 

Get in to a nice rhythm 

In complete control

Then as you approach the corner 

You sit in to the saddle 

That is the signal to the horse to speed up 

They say 'Sit in'

And from the get go this confused me 

I mean what exactly does that mean 

To me 

Sit in sounded like they wAnted me to sit in to the front of the saddle 

But that didn't really make sense either 

So then another rider explained to me that sit in basically meant sit down in to the saddle 

In other words stop riding and trotting 

But even knowing that 

It's still hard to know when you are doing it right or wrong 

A lot of it has to do with feeling 

Feeling the rhythm of the horse

And knowing when to sit in and canter

But look 

I am still very much a beginner 

And am probably overthinking the thing anyway 

As Eilish my trainer said to me 

I have learned in a few months what most people learn in years 

And what keeps me going 

Is when it all works out 

And Star goes in to a beautiful canter 

That feeling 

When it all comes together 

Is just priceless 

And makes all the frustration and confusion worth while 

Canter around the arena twice non stop 

Truly enjoying it 

The speed 

The power 

The utter joy it brings me

It's freakin' amazing

I wish I could bottle that feeling 

And take it out whenever I want 

I live for Wednesday's 

And the chance to ride 

To spend time with my friends and the horses 

To Pull on my riding boots and helmet 

To get a leg up on to Star 

To smell the sharp scent of horse manure 

To kick Star on and start warming up

To hear the squeak of the leather as he walks 

To tell him he's a good boy 

And give him a rub

To sit up tall and straight 

And instruct him to trot 

To get in to a rythm that feels smooth and effortless 

To speed up in to a canter 

And experience the buzz of the speed

Then to dismount 

And peel off my helmet thats damp with sweat 

To treat the horses with a carrot 

And then have a hot cup of tea with friends 

And talk about the lesson 

I love it 

I love it all

Anyway 

For lack of something to do 

I put my name down to do a computer course in the local women's centre 

I went for the interview today 

Which was the shortest interview I have ever done in my life 

They gave me a break down of the course 

And to be honest guys 

It's very basic 

And stuff I would already know

It's really for absolute beginners 

But still 

I am keeping an open mind 

Breda my counsellor also told me about a course starting soon

They is a rehabilitative course 

Which matches you up with something you have an interest in 

Trains you 

And provided work experience for 20 hours a week 

Over four years 

I really liked the sound of this course 

So I rang Breda today to tell her I am interested in starting it 

I am anxious to get the ball rolling 

As there are only ten places on the course 

So my next step is to call in to Breda Monday morning 

And fill out the forms 

Lost them 

And meet with the course coordinator 

So hopefully this will work out 

As I could ask to be placed in a stables 

Or animal sanctuary 

And of course I would be happy out in either of those places

All I can do now is wait 

And as you know 

PAtience is not a virtue that I possess 

But I'm going to have to suck it up 

This course makes me excited though 

The thoughts of working in a stables is just a dream come true 

And hopefully I will get to ride too from time to time 

I just hope it works out for me 

Keep your fingers crossed for me...

 

In other news 

I Am doing well

I miss work and my friends 

But I will keep in touch with them 

And call in to them regularly 

It's nice to have more time to myself 

But I know I will get bored if I don't keep occupied 

And when I get bored 

I tend to get in to trouble 

The devil makes work for idle hands and all that 

But I have options 

So that is good 

And I trust and believe that the right thing will happen for me at the right time 

ED wise 

I am going ok 

Look 

It's never going to be perfect 

I still struggle with purging from time to time 

But I am eating well most of the time 

My mood is good 

I feel stable and strong 

I feel no urge to lose weight 

Or to change myself in any great way

I have no idea what I weigh 

And I don't wAnt to know 

Ignorance is bliss in my opinion 

My clothes fit 

Therefore I am presuming that I've not gone over a size 8-10

Which is a healthy weight for me 

And as they say 

If it ain't broke 

Don't fix it 

I hope to blog a bit more now that I have some free time 

And of course to catch up on yours 

And generally become an active member of our community again 

As I fear I have neglected you some what 

But that's life for you 

I want to thank you for still reading 

And got being there for me 

It never ceases to amaze me how wonderful the people here are 

This community means a lot to me 

You mean a lot to me 

And we need each other 

For support 

For company 

For friendship 

I love each and everyone of you 

To the moon and back....