Tuesday, 6 October 2015


 feel I need to respond to the comments that were left on my last post
Yes I do drive
I have a learner permit 
Which means I can drive accompanied
Which I always do
Although I do admit
There have been times when I drove solo
But I try to avoid that as much as possible
And of course I am insured
I am not breaking any law by driving my car with an appropriate adult
So to the person who called me 'selfish'
I am doing nothing wrong by driving my car with someone who has a full license
So please 
And feel bad enough as it is today
You can not make me feel any worse

I have been driving for a few years now
And have never done anything that is illegal
When I drive
Either my mum 
My sister or my dad are with me
So to you anonymous 
Who accused me of being 'incredibly selfish'
And of driving illegally
You don't know me
You don't know who I drive with
And what rules I do and don't break
I am fully insured on my car
So if I was to have an accident 
Normal rules apply
I just think it's really sad that you would attack someone when they are already feeling down
You don't know me 
So please 
Get your facts straight before throwing accusations around 

Driving Test

I My preparation for my test has been extremely rushed
Even though I've been driving for quite a while
There are still things I need to brush up on
At the moment I have a learners permit
And have managed to dodge my test thus far 
I've procrastinated for too long now
It was time to do it

I had a two hour lesson
Which went well
But man, there were many things that I did not know
Like this constant mirror, signal, mirror checking 
I mean
Of course I check my mirrors
But not as obsessive as I was being told to
We also practised the manoeuvres 
The three point turn
Which I was ok at 
And the reversing around a corner
Which I struggled with 
My teacher said that was my weak point
Another thing I was really worried about
Was the fact that I had to drive in to the car park for the test
And reverse in to the car parking space 
I practised it a bit this morning 
And it was pretty hit and miss
Ay ay ay
I just couldn't wait until it was all over
I can't tell you how nervous about I was this morning
And I was afraid to take any of my meds 
In case they made me drowsy
So driving down to the test centre
I could almost feel myself going in to withdrawal
But that might have been in my imagination

The test centre is about an hour from my house
In a town that I don't know very well
And only really drove around for the first time yesterday
I picked this town as it's the quietest town near to me
The lesson yesterday was really cutting it fine
The instructor tried to squash everything in tithe two hours
But it was nigh on impossible
Too much information
Too much to remember in such a short space of time
I got back from my lesson yesterday
Got straight in to my pyjamas
And rested for the evening
Then this morning
I got up early 
And my sister came out with me to practise
I practised reversing in to a space
It was hit and miss at best 
The other manoeuvre I would be asked to do was reversing around a corner
I do that every day to leave my house 
But this was on the other side
And it just confused me

I was beyond nervous and anxious this morning 
I just could not wait for it to be over 
The test was at 12 45pm
So my mother and I set off at about 11 30am
We were driving through one of the villages
I had just rounded a corner
When a woman in a brand new big f**k off car
Pulled out in front me
Without indicating 
And without looking
I had to swerve across the road
And thank God there was nothing coming on the other side
I was so shocked I had to pull in for a second
The woman drove by me
And I gave her a filthy look
But she seemed oblivious to what she had just done 

An hour later 
And we arrived at the test centre
Now I had to reverse in to a space
The car park was tiny 
And there really was only one space I could go for 
It took me three attempts 
And it on my second attempt
Someone walked in to the car park that o recognised
I knew the face 
But I couldn't place them
Then it came to me
It was my sisters ex-fiancé 
The one who messed her around 
And who my entire family hate
I hadn't seen this guy in years 
Typical that I would run in to him on the day of my driving test
He saw us 
And quickly looked away
Another filthy look was in order
Then I promptly reversed in to a sign 

I managed to get the car between the lines
In a somewhat straight position
I felt shook after my two incidences
But I persevered
My mum went for a cup of coffee after wishing me luck
And I headed in to the test centre
I sat waiting for about five minutes
Hoping that I wouldn't run in to ex-fiancé again
I didn't
And soon I heard my name called
A short stout mam in his fifties ushered me in to a room
He introduced himself 
Explained what was going to happen
He asked for my permit
Which I had stupidly left in my car
So I had to run out to get it
Bad start right there
And the test began

He asked me some rules of the road 
Some I knew
Some I didn't 
Some I blatantly guessed
Then it was out to my car
He checked all my paperwork was in order
Checked my lights 
Asked me to pop the hood
Which I only learned how to do yesterday 
He asked me various questions about where the oil goes etc
I managed that part ok
Then it was time to drive
I started the car
But my nerves were getting the better of me
And I hit the curb on the way out 
You guys 
I failed before I even got out of the car park! 
I could help but curse
'Shite' I said
'Is that it?' I asked  him
'The test isn't over yet' he replied 
So I kept going
And tried to be positive
As I said 
I don't know this town at all
There were many roundabouts 
A one way system
And I was generally very confused a lot of the time 
I remembered to use my mirrors
And check my blind spots 
But there were so many things I neglected to do 
Or didn't know how to do
I just wasn't sure of myself 
Or what I was doing 
I need a lot more practise

My car is an automatic
So there are only two pedals
Brake and accelelorator
No clutch
Usually I use both feet to use the pedals 
But the tester told me that I was doing it wrong 
And only to use my right foot
This completely threw me
As I tried to remember the correct way to do it
I tried my best

Then it was time to do the reverse around the corner
That went shockingly bad
And I hit the curb again
I just wanted to cry at that point
I felt like such a loser 
Next was the three point turn
Now this something that I can actually do
And it went pretty smoothly 

After about 40 minutes
The tester directed me back to the t St centre
I turned off my car 
And he invited me inside
I sat on the blue chair and sighed
'I don't have good news for you' he said
'I know' I replied 
So that was it 
I failed 
But then 
I already knew that 
He mentioned the pedals again
He said strictly he should have cancelled the test because I was using both feet
But he saw I was making an effort 
So he gave me a chance
He told me what else I need to brush up on
And there is a lot
He also said to get a few lessons 
And get to know the test town
Both of which I will do

So thats it guys 
I didn't pass
But I'm not too upset
I knew I hadn't had enough practise and preparation
I will apply for it again soon
And get back behind the steering wheel
I did my best
And it was good experience 
Hopefully next time will go better 

I am so tired now
It's only 3pm
But when I get home
I am getting straight in to my pyjamas 
Taking my meds
And relaxing for the evening 
I mean
I know I'm not a horrible driver
There are just at things I need to brush up on 
And I will 
Just not today 

Monday, 5 October 2015

Preventing Relapse

Given everything that is happening
Being on holidays
Coming back from holidays
Being sick
And having Turkey Tummy as the lovely CP called it
And having the stress of my driving test tomorrow
I know I need to be careful
I haven't weighed myself 
But I know that I've lost weight 
I can feel it
It's no surprise really
The food really didn't agree with me
I had bouts of diarrhoea and constipation
Although I think constipation is by far the worse of the two
And because I didn't much like the food in Turkey 
I've kind of lost the taste for food
Even my precious white chocolate and salt and vinegar crisps haven't been touched since I got home
I've just been nibbling toast here and there

I know that this is a dangerous time
I acknowledge that
Now it's up to me not to let this setback turn in to a slip or a relapse
It's hard though 
Part of me would love to go running in to the arms of my ED
To just say f**k it
And throw myself head first down the rabbit hole
But I won't 
I can't 
I've come too far to throw it all away now
I mean
I'm in no danger of falling in to the underweight category just yet
It's more the behaviours
And the thinking at the moment  

Exit: I just bought a battery for my scale 
And weighed myself 
I've lost about 7 pounds
Just over three kilos
More than I had thought
But I am still very much in the healthy category
So I'm not going to worry just yet
I'm pretty sure that my weight hasn't settled at my set point yet
I'm also pretty sure that I have overshot my set point 
Which is pretty common I know
So I would actually like to settle some where a little less than I am now
But of course 
We all know
Where EDs and weight loss are concerned 
Sometimes it takes on a life of its own
And it feels like we are on a runaway train
With no way off

Enough with what could happen
Let's talk about what is happening
Today is Monday of course
That is doctor day for me
He was surprisingly on time this morning
The first thing he said to me was
'So you weren't whisked away by a swarthy Arab?'
I said there was no fear of that
He said that he doesn't give advice 
But he does tell girls not to marry Muslims
I told him in fact they my auntie B had married a Muslim
Albeit a non practising one 
Who is one of the nicest men you could meet
He asked about my holiday
I told him some stories 
He told me they he is going to Poland tomorrow 
To visit his son
Who is studying medecine there
He also said he would start reducing the methadone when he got back
No comment...

As I mentioned earlier 
I have my driving test tomorrow
Some how
I have managed to get to the grand ol' age of 34 without doing it before now
But it has finally caught up with me 
And tomorrow is the day
Today I have a two hour driving lesson
To cram in everything I need to know  before tomorrow
I'm not getting my hopes up
But I will do my best 
That's all I can do

I know I need to mind myself at the moment
I know that a relapse can creep up on you 
And then slam you between the eyes before you know what is happening
I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing to weigh at the moment
I guess it's good to keep an eye on it
Without getting too engrossed with it 
I mean 
I'm sure I could be questioned as to whether I really am in recovery or not
I still purge 
Not very often 
But about 3-5 times a week
Not everyday 
But almost 
I'm not quite sure what that means
All I know 
Is that this is as good as it gets for me right now 
I am as free from my ED than I have ever been 
And with recovery and life
Comes complications 
Life is not a straight forward thing
There are many bends and bumps in the road 
Sometimes we even go backwards 
But the important thing is to keep going
To keep trying 
And fighting
To keep hoping 
And believing 
That there is a better life for us

God knows 
I know that when you are in the eye of the storm of an ED
Recovery seems nigh on impossible 
And it also seems to be something that happens to other people 
We might all have similar EDs
But each of us are unique 
And will recover in a way that might be different to someone else
I've been in treatment for my ED about five times 
And never once did I even complete the programme
Nevermind recover
I can remember being there 
And all my energy went in to resisting treatment 
And in fact 
I actually lost weight while there
How I managed to do that I do not know
But after five failed admissions
I've learned that recovering in that type of setting 
Just does not work for me 
Being surrounded by other sick and underweight people
For me 
Is not conducive to making positive changes 
I compare myself 
I let myself compete with these girls 
To be the thinnest and the sickest
It became a game 
Where the winner is the one closest to death

As we all know
Treating EDs is a tricky business
I would say doctors hate to see the likes of us coming 
They are just so complex
It takes much time
And energy
And endless support 
To help someone who is completely immersed in their ED
To even considering changing their thinking and behaviours
And to get them to gain weight?
Well that is the biggest challenge 
We may want to recover
But we may want to stay at a low body weight
And as we know 
That just doesn't work 
You can't have one without the other 

For me 
Recovery from home worked a lot better than a stint in treatment 
And as I often say
Sometimes it feels like it happened in spite of myself 
When I was very sick
One of the things that scared me the most was gaining weight
The only thing worse than being depressed and under weight
Was being depressed and of a healthy weight
Or worse again
Depressed and over weight
What I didn't bank on 
Was that as I gained weight 
My mood and my thinking began to shift 
I started to see the benefits of weight regain 
Of feeding my body
Of looking after myself 
And with this 
Other things began to change 
I stopped caring so much what the scale said 
What clothes size I was 
Numbers began to mean less and less
My confidence improved markedly 
I felt more comfortable in my own skin 
Soon the benefits of recovery 
Outweighed any benefits my ED had
Because my ED served a purpose at the time
I had to find other healthier ways to meet those needs 
That is a process of trial and error
But we each find what works for us
It's different for everyone 

I guess what I'm trying to say is 
That I know recovery can seem like a million miles away 
So completely out of reach 
But I think in fact it is closer than we think
I firmly believe that recovery is possible for each of us
No matter how complicated or serious the condition
It is possible to have a life beyond ED
The thing is that we have to do it ourselves 
No one can do it for us
No matter how much they love us
Or want to do it for us 
It has to come from the person 
You can love them
And support them 
To a point 
But change must come from a persons own motivation
I know at the beginning of my recovery from addiction
I did it for my family more than myself 
But that only got me so far
And over time
I had to start to do it for myself
Or else it just wouldn't work

I guess it could be argued 
That I am in fact not in recovery
I still abuse my meds
I don't go to meetings 
But as with my ED
This is as good as it gets for me at the moment
I function as best as I can
And most of the time 
I am well and free and content
I acknowledge that things could be a lot better
If I just put a little bit of effort in 
But I am not ready to make further changes yet 
In time 
I hope I will 
But for now
This is the way things are

So today 
This post is for you 
If you are struggling 
If your ED or addiction is getting the better of you
If you are underweight
Or somewhere in between 
If you can't even entertain the idea of recovery 
If it seems so far away that you can't even see it
This post is for you 
If you are depressed 
Paralysed with fear
If you want to check off this planet
If you can't stand the noise in your own head
If you can't see beyond the darkness of your own mind 
If you woke this morning 
And wished that you hadn't 
If you have slipped 
Or relapsed 
This is for you

If you are struggling with another mental illness 
If you are cross addicted 
If you are suicidal
If you don't even know what is wrong with you 
If you are alone 
If you have no one to share your burden with
If you don't have the support you need 
If you are silently suffering 
Afraid to even utter what ails you
This is for you

If you take one thing from this post 
Then please take a little bit of hope 
I am a former heroin addict
Who suffers from anorexia/bulimia
I have battled depression and anxiety 
And suicidal ideation 
But I stand here before you today
I fought my way here
The odds were stacked against me
I didn't think that I would make it out alive 
Didn't think I'd see thirty
But the will to survive is a strong one
The will to live also 
And now I'm so glad that I did survive 
And am here to tell my story 
And hopefully help others 
I know that is my purpose now
Some people go to university to study
And become an expert in that field 
The only subject I know a lot about is eating disorders and addiction
I know them intimately 
And I know I have been spared in order to help others 

I wish I could give a little piece of what I feel to you all
But we all have to follow our own path 
My path is still continuing 
My recovery goes on
My life goes on
I am alive 
And free
And happy 
And I am eternally grateful for that  

Sunday, 4 October 2015

It's good to be home

So so good
After a marathon of a journey
To finally walkin the door of my house
Oh the relief just to be back in my comfort zone
Honey and Lea gave us a great welcome
And they are in great form
They had a lovely time with their Grandad who minded them while we were away
When the get I get home from holida
I can't relax until my case is in packed 
And my laundry and clothes sorted
So that was the first thing I did
I was amazed at the amount of clothes o brought
And didn't wear
But isn't that always the way

The bus journey home yesterday was a bit of a nightmare
About half way home
I began to get a horrible cramp in the bottom of my stomach
At first I thought I was going on to withdrawal
But then I recognised it as needed to go to the bathroom
Thankfully the bus had a five minute stop half way
So I ran to the bathroom 
And had a really bad bout of diarrhoea 
I mean really bad 
The worst I think I've ever had 
Horror of all horrors
There was no toilet paper
I searched my bag 
And found the closet thing was a sanitary towel
So I had to use that
The bus set off again
And I didn't have any more occurrences 

My tummy has been a bit off all my holiday though
I went from being constipated to having severe diarrhoea 
Partly because of the food
Which didn't really agree with me
It was hit and miss for me
Some of the food I liked
And some was just horrible
And it's much different to western food 
So our systems just aren't used to it

The day we travelled home 
I wore the jeans that I had worn travelling to Turkey
And hadn't worn them all holiday
They were noticeably looser
In fact they were falling off me 
It makes sense really that I would lose weight
Given I wasn't eating properly
I went to weigh myself at home
But the battery in my scale is gone
But I know I have lost 
And it's actually massively triggering
The feeling of an empty stomach 
My clothes looser
And generally feeling smaller in myself 
I don't think it's any harm though
I'm not deliberately tying to lose weight
And my weight does fluctuate a lot
I won't worry about it
But I will keep an eye on it
As I don't want to go down that road again

I am so very tired today
I walked the dogs this morning 
And literally had to drag myself down the road 
My body feels so heavy 
Like I've been beaten up
I have today to rest 
And tomorrow it's back to the doctor 
Them I have a driving lesson tomorrow
As I have my driving test in Tuesday 
Which I am dreading 
And so unprepared for
But I will do it
And see how I get on

I really need to go sleep now
Do I shall see you on the next post....

Saturday, 3 October 2015

Home again, home again jiggidy jig!

That title is a little reference to my mum
Any time we arrived home she always said this
And it had stuck through the generations
Random piece of information

As I type this 
I am sitting in Dublin airport
Waiting for my luggage
After a marathon journey so far
We still have three hours on a bus to look forward to
But I'm not complaining
I'm just glad to be on home turf 

I left myself in a bit of a pickle regarding my meds this week
I took another day off on Thursday
As I hadn't been well
A mixture of food not agreeing with me and dehydration I think
So I retired to the roof terrace of the hotel
And finished my book
I also went a bit over board on my meds
Leaving myself with no tablets
And less than two days methadone for the next 48hours
It always seems like such a good idea at the time
But I never fail to regret 
You would think I would learn.....

Yesterday our bus to Izmir wasn't until 6pm
So we did some last minute sightseeing during the day 
Booked a late check out
And basically hung out in the hotel most of the day
My sister and I were so bored 
That I did her makeup for the trip
Complete with fire engine red lipstick
We also filled out the guest satisfaction form
And added illustrations for effect
I spent much of the day with the new born kittens in a cardboard box at the front of the hotel
Two tiny white ones
Their eyes not open yet
Only a few days old
And an older black kitten whose mother had abandoned it
That the newborns mother adopted
So I was out there yesterday with them
And the mother was no where to be seen
The babies were crying so hard for her
To the point that I was getting upset
I asked the hotel owner what we could do
And he said that his sister comes to feed them twice a day
And as luck would have it
She arrived there and then
And fed them with a tiny syringe
I felt a little better after that
And we jumped in to a taxi to Selcuk train station
And on to Izmir airport

The train came on time
But man alive getting on the train was an ordeal
It was the end of our holiday
And our bags were just that bit bigger and heavier than the way there
I scrambled to get on the train
Along with about 500 hundred other people 
I threw my case on first
And was in such a flurry
I missed the first step
And my leg went under the train
I panicked 
And called for my brother
He turned around and pulled my bag 
And me on to the train
Bad start to the journey

We arrived in Izmir an hour later for our flight to Istanbul
We had just checked in 
And were going to go through security
When it all kicked off
First I could hear a man raise his voice
It got louder and louder
All in Turkish
Suddenly he was shouting and gesticulating 
And getting extremely angry
The girl he was shouting at also raised her voice
And they were having a full scale argument
The man was then led away by security
It really unnerved me 
I became supper self conscious about myself 
And the meds in my bag
My letter from my doctor was in my check in bag
And inside I began to panic 
By now I was down to one days methadone 
Tablets long gone
I worried that if it was taken off me 
I would be up shit creek

Thankfully security went smoothly
My methadone safe in my bag
My next worry was when should I take it
I didn't want to take it to early 
Incase the plane was delayed or something happened
But I also could feel myself going in to withdrawal
So at 8pm
I took it
All I could do now was hope for the best

We arrived in Istanbul airport at about 11pm
Our flight to Dublin wasn't until 7 30am
So we had a long night in the terminal 
I managed to sleep though 
So it wasn't too bad 

Thank you God, Budda, Alla
Who ever it was
For giving us a safe and straightforward flight home
It couldn't have gone smoother 
And when we touched down in Dublin
I wanted to kiss the ground

Edit: Now waiting for bus home

We went through Dublin airport
On the way to collect our bags
We had to show our passports at customs
I was half asleep
And rooted in my bag for said passport
I pulled out what I thought was it
And got a hop when I looked at it 
And saw it was in fact a bright blue sanitary towel
Way to go Ruby!
I giggled nervously 
And quickly took it back 
All part of the fun of travelling

I can't tell you how good it is to be back
And to get home?
To see Honey and Lea?
I just know they are going to have kittens when they see us
I've missed them so much
So I'm off to get my bus home 
I'll leave you with some photos of the kitty cats from our hotel
See you next time.....

Friday, 2 October 2015

Heading Home

Today is the very last day of our holiday
We fly back to Istanbul tonight
Then on to Dublin after an eight hour stopover 
Then arriving home tomorrow afternoon
And you know what?
I am ready to go home
And have been for a few days
I was chatting with my mother last night
And she said that she didn't think I enjoyed the holiday
I didn't know what to say 
As I have and I haven't 
I have to admit
This would not have been my first choice of holiday
In fact
I don't even know what sort of holiday I would like
As I've always just gone along with others holidays 
I've never organised a holiday myself
I know I like the sun 
Not too hot
But warmer than my own countries climate
Enough to get a tan
I know I like to read when I'm away
I like to eat nice food 
I like to go on tours
I like to go shopping
I like to talk to people
I'd love to travel more around the U.S.
I'd love to go to Rhodes
So we have agreed that the next holiday that we go on
I will organise 

I just can't wait to get home 
To see Honey and Lea
To have a decent cup of tea
Have some home cooked food
Sleep in my own bed 
I think one of the best things about going away 
Is coming home
Back to our creature comforts
I'm definitely more of a home bird I think
I like routine 
Having said all that 
I did love Istanbul
The people are amazing 
Most of whom are so friendly and hospitable 
Of course 
Like any group of people 
There are a small minority that try to scam you you and hoodwink you
But you get that anywhere in the world
I loved hearing to the call to prayer every day
Seeing other cultures
Talking to the local people 
Having the 'craic' as we say at home
The people really made the holiday for me
The man who gave me a live fish to throw back in to the river
The man in the Grand bizarre who randomly said to me
'Experience comes after the first mistake' 
The young guy in our hotel who loved to practise his English on us
The many waiters we met who always had a joke and a laugh with us
Watching the Muslim women dressed from head to toe in black
So all you could see was there eyes
Which were always so beautiful 
Carrying their designer handbags
I read that these women can take off their garb when the are with other women 
Or with their husband
And the women are pretty competitive when it comes to what they wear under their layers of black
And of course
You can't miss the obvious poverty here
The families 
And children on the street
In rags 
Literally nothing to their name
It can be very upsetting 

Am just heading out now
For one last look around the town
I really hope you got just a little taste of Turkey from these posts
See you when I'm back on home turf....


Thursday, 1 October 2015

The Big C

I am not talking about cancer
Thank God for that 
But I am talking about another C
That C being constipation
I was supposed to go to Ephuses today with my Mum and sister
Up until beakfast I was going
But then
I found myself in the bathroom
So backed up and uncomfortable
That I couldn't bear going on a guided tour 
Where there may be no toilets 
Or worse
There might be a hole in the ground toilet
Being bulimic
Or at least trying to recover from bulimia
I pay close attention to toilets and flushes 
Especially when out and about
Or in a restaurant or cafe
It can be quite the tricky operation trying to purge in public bathrooms 
Although here 
In fairness 
I have been very lucky with toilets
And have had no major problems

I elected to stay in the hotel for the day
And was looking forward to having done time to myself
And finishing my book
I spent the day between my bed
Where I slept for two hours 
And the roof terrace 
Where I caught some last minute sun
One of the young lads they work here
Came up and asked me if I wanted a drink
And a few minutes later he came up with a tall, cool glass of lemonade
It was most welcome

Our hotel here is lovely
Our room is small but comfortable mans perfectly formed 
Food here is hit and miss for me
Some things I have liked
Some I haven't 
And I am missing home cooking 
You kind of get sick of eating out all the time
And ham!
OMfreakin'G I miss ham so much 
I can't wait to have a ham salad sandwich when I get home

The other day 
I was backed up again with the C word
My sister suggested that I drink a strong coffee to get things moving 
So we headed to the nearest cafe
Where my sister ordered me an espresso
As you know
I am a confirmed tea drinker
And actually hate coffee
But if it did the trick
I was willing to try it
I knocked back the coffee
Then had half of my sisters Americano
It was horrible
Like drinking neat alcohol
But I hoped it would help
An hour later we were heading out for dinner
And settled on a Thai place around the corner from our hotel 
I was hungry 
And really looking forward to something tasty
I ordered the beef salad
And when it came it looked delicious
But when I had a few mouthfuls 
I could feel my stomach churning and gurgling 
I continued to eat 
And even tasted some of my sisters curry
But then
I had to stop
It was coming 
I could feel it 
I was going to throw up
I quietly excused myself 
Threw on my jacket
And ran in the pouring rain
All the way to my hotel 
Just in the nick of time
I made it to the bathroom 
The mixture of the coffee and the food had not been a good combination
I feel so much better after I got sick though 
And the coffee even helped with the constipation
I hope I am not sharing too much here
But I know that bodily functions are hot topics in the ED world
I know when I was in treatment 
We were constantly talking about bowel movements and the like
Because when you are messing with your food and your body
All these functions are sent in to disarray
The best advice I ever got for helping yourself go
Is to raise your legs a little
Like put your feet on a bin
It kind of helps angle your body for easier well...... You know what I mean
It just helps things flow easier
Oh my goodness I am so sorry if this is too much information
But that little tip might help someone out there

The other day when I posted some photos
I forgot to point out something about the 'cat man'
He actually had a set of weighing scales in front of him 
And was inviting people to weigh themselves
Holy shit
That is my worst nightmare come true 
Weighing myself in a public place
So I gave him some money 
But politely declined his offer to weigh go

See if you can spot the scales....